So Confused and Exhausted

[Louisville]

Hello All

First off...thanks for reading my post. I am new to this site and not sure how to go really...therefore I will try to keep it small!

My diagnosis is major depression and 'aspects' of BPD . I also have issues with alcohol. I understand how I have come to this point and I won't go into it here. I am just looking for friends to talk to. Most people I know would have absolutely no idea about me...I put on a brave face and everyone either thinks I am ok or basically they don't care (which is fine as I don't truly care about others either! UNLESS they are suffering..then I will do my utmost to help). That may sound mean...it is not meant to. Just that I am surrounded by wealthy, successful and happy people who really would not understand me if they only knew.

I am so over it...the meds (that I do not think help)...the struggle daily...I have a 'boyfriend' who I believe is making me worse! He is unemployed, uneducated, unmotivated....you get the gist. I guess I am just wondering if there is anyone out there feeling the same and what you do to deal with it. I absolutely adore dogs so I go to the dog beach/park every day for my 'furapy'! I am currently unemployed and hating my boring life and sitting around thinking rubbish all day/all night....sorry if this is a bit convoluted.

Thanks for reading.

L

[geoff]

Hi Louisville, just wondering how you are going.

Geoff.

[Louisville]

Hi Geoff

Sorry for late reply. I am ok and thankyou so much for asking. I hope all is well with you.

I have been having dramas with that boyfriend I mentioned....I just want him gone and yet he refuses to go away! He has been manipulating me to no end...it is at the point now where I have told him he has to leave me alone or I will get the police involved. He has some stuff left here...I have no intention of seeing him or taking it back to his place (he doesn't drive)...I told him I will leave it out front and he has two days to collect it or I bin it. I don't care one jot how he gets here or back to his. I think he is using this as a way to try to keep me involved. He is a major head case. Scary in fact.

I have done a lot of research and he fits the covert narc bill 100%. He has used me over and over and I simply won't tolerate it anymore. He has tried his best to make me feel worthless and useless...again...he did not succeed. I won't bore you with why I put up with him for so long...I am sure you have heard it all before. Bottom line is I am over being used and treated like a doormat and I have some great people behind me supporting me to rid myself of this awful person.

Asides from those dramas all good. I have been going out everyday and seeing my dear doggy pals and conversing with fellow animal lovers...all great 'furapy'! Two weeks left of school holidays so am doing my best to instil some routines for my son...as I know he will find it very difficult going back to school if he sleeps until 2 pm then is on his computer until 2 am.....very trying times I am afraid.

Thank you for caring it means a lot to me. You are a wonderful person.

xx

L

[geoff]

Hi Louisville, thanks for getting back to us.

What I have picked up since we first started to talk, is that you have now begun to regain your strength and confidence, I think you can that yourself by what you have told us.

This chap has been using you to focus on the negative aspects of your life, but now you have made your decision to get him out of the house, well done, as that's never an easy job to do, and to put all his belongings out front is the way to go.

Enjoy your time with your doggy pals, all the other dogs would be lovely to see and be able to play with each other.

Lovely to hear from you.

Geoff.

[Louisville]

Hi dear Geoff

Yes it has been very difficult....he is still trying to manipulate me but I am refusing any contact! I am looking at getting a new job; I am actually on workcover at the moment as I tore my tendons in my shoulders from my last job....I loved that job and I hate being in this situation. I need to be amongst people and making a positive difference to the world! It is ridiculous as Workcover state if I apply for another job they will stop the support (which of course I will not need if I get the job)....as they state it is up to them pretty much where this thing goes. I am trying to get off this roundabout yet they are making it impossible. Because they now say even if I don't get the job they will cut me off?? WT? Surely it is a good thing if I find my own job; one that doesn't involve using my shoulders etc (I was a cook)..I am in pain most of the time but am perfectly capable of data entry and admin roles which is what this particular job I am interested in is!

I luckily am a member of the union so I will be talking to them about this situation as it is becoming untenable.

Anyway enough of negative rubbish. I have been out again today and seen some of my darling furry pals! I am totally besotted with dogs...they are just the most amazing and wonderful souls and they make life bearable!

I hope you and your darling little pal are going well. Thanks for keeping in touch; much appreciated.

L