Slippng back into the darkness

[Isla]

I don't understand why. I had a good Christmas, I was kind to myself and didn't overdo it this year. I had a good day with my loved ones. Over the last couple of days I have been feeling the familiar pull of depression dragging me down. Today I couldn't hide it like I usually do. I couldn't smile and pretend. I can't fight the dark thoughts that fill my head. My chest feels like there is a brick on it and I can't breath. My head hurts and I want it all to stop. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Isla  

This is one of the most difficult times of year for so many people … and I can understand why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling.  There’s a lot of external pressure for things to be done, people to be talked too, etc etc.   And then when it’s over, you feel mentally exhausted from all that you had to do … it just catches up to you in a rush.  

I’m so pleased to hear though that you had a good time and that you were kind to yourself.  That is such a key point … be kind to yourself.   It is great that you’ve come to this site and reached out for help.  We can provide lots of ‘on-line’ support and comfort to you … but as far as the next stage of advancement for your illness, do you have a GP that you can go too?  Especially if these feelings continue to stay with you;   or maybe you’ve already been to a GP?  I’m not sure.  

Isla, please get back to us soon, so we can try to assist you further.  

Kind regards,  

Neil  

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Isla,

 Sometimes the darkness calls for us and there seems no reason for it at all. It's baffling, bewildering and damn frustrating. It makes you wonder why things can't be good forever.

What did you do over christmas? It sounds like you had a good time.

It can be hard to talk to others. At times it can seem downright impossible. If you feel like you can though, I'd encourage you to try. Whether it be here on the forums, the lovely people on the number at the top of the page, you GP or a close friend.

We know the darkness far better than we would wish to.

Take care and I hope to hear back from you.

GA

[Isla]

Hi Neil1, just when I feel I am beginning to feel well and gain some confidence in my self back, bam the depression hits me and I am back where I started. The only way I know how to move forward is to hit my reset button and start over, how manytimes do I have to do this? Where do I find the strength? Isla

[Isla]

Hi GA, I tried to see my GP but she was away so I seen a new one, I was too ashamed to tell her all my secret thoughts so I just outlined how I am feeling. I have an appointment to see my usual GP next week. Isla

[Neil_1]

Hi Isla  

I’m really pleased that you (a) went to see at least one GP, even though yours was away, you still managed to get to see another;  and (b) you’ve got an appointment next week with your own GP.  That must be a nice feeling and a little weight lifted off you, I hope.  

After you outlined how you were feeling to this other GP, did they give you any suggestions or coping mechanisms to help you get by until next week?  

Do you think there’s some trigger involved that causes the depression to come??   Does it relate to someone in your life, possibly work, other outside influences that make it happen?  

Isla, what are some of the things that you find enjoyable in your life?  And no, you don’t have to list them here if you don’t want, but just grab a piece of paper and jot some down.  As many or as few as you like.  Why do this?  Just when you’re in a mentally bad place, do this and hopefully even for a short while, it’ll occupy yourself … and perhaps if one of them isn’t that hard to do, perhaps you could go and do it?  

Please keep in touch with us as often as you like … we’ll be here for you.  

Ps:  I’d love to know where you find that reset button … I’d LOVE to have one of those.  So please look after yours;  that sounds a very valuable thing to have.  

Cheers  

Neil