Self sabotoer, dependent but strong

[SarahInnes]

I am a walking contradiction. 46, single mum strong but weak. I am legally blind and this has made me strong but very weak. I’m strong in the sense I can alley take care of my son and can do most things myself. Weak in the sense when I get a male I my life I change myself to be who he likes then chases him relentlessly when he leaves. My last relationship of 6 years I pushed him away so often eventually throwing him out because I was so angry at myself for what I’d become then after he moved out I find myself chasing him wanting him back. I know I’m really pathetic and I don’t really want him back but I’m scared of being alone because of my disability. I have depression and anxiety, I used to self harm but I have been strong enough to stop that. I hate myself every day for being weak with men and chasing relentlessly. I just wish I had more respect for myself but with the anxiety and depression I crave to be looked after. My family has abandoned me. Long time ago with both parents passing and my sisters hating me as I was the youngest and they saw me as spoiled. The only real love I hav in life is my son.

[jess334]

Hi SarahInnes,

Welcome to the forum.

I dont think you are pathetic at all. Its not pathetic to want to be with someone, or to get lonely, or to want support with your mental health. These are all very normal emotions/feelings.

You sound like an incredibly strong person, managing your physical disability, mental health, and being a single mum with no support. That must be extremely difficult.

Are you able to get help / support for your mental health through your GP or medical professional?

Please keep posting, you are not alone here.
Jess

[SarahInnes]

Hi Jess

Thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it. I am on medication and have got help in the past from drs and mental health professionals and I’ve made phone contact atm but with the corona virus it’s a bit difficult atm. I am getting some support tho.

just staying very quiet atm as I’m feeeling very overwhelmed with everything.

Thanks again for your kind word they helped me a lot

[jess334]

Hi SarahInnes,

I know its so much harder to get assistance right now. I'm glad you're getting some help, even if it is a bit restricted atm.

Jess

[SarahInnes]

Thank you Jess