Scared to be Honest

[Guest_3712]

Hi all

tomorrow is my long awaited psych appointment and to say I am anxious is like saying it's just a tad warm!

OMG. I have been reading all your posts and find myself 1/ in awe of your inspiring messages and 2/ feeling crap that I complain about my petty issues.

So I thought I would run my plan of attack by you. I have set myself a list of goals I want to achieve this year, e.g stop meds lose weight,. accept my depression, etc I am going to ask my psych to help of course and the only condition is no emotional talk. Ok I know that sounds stupid but I am telling you I am so full of conflicting emotions all the time I can't cope.

Once we get started on the whys I just lose it. I don't know if I will ever really deal with my issues, but at least if I don't talk about them I can somehow muddle through. I just need to be told what to do and I will do it. Just get me from A to B. Is that too hard?

Believe me if I go to doc tomorrow and talk to him like I've been talking to you guys, he will lock me up and throw away the key!

In fact if I was completely honest I don't think I've ever told him everything that I've been feeling, for exactly that reason. I am scared to be completely honest about my feelings in case I get locked up again. That's why this site is a good release. Sometimes you just have to have a rant and get it out there without thoughts of reprisals. ( in fairness I had an extensive history and gave plenty of reasons to admit me) .

So I will try and focus now and maybe add to my list ( number 55)

cheers

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hey Neil,

No matter what or how crap I feel you always get a laugh out of me. Yes I have a visual too of holding onto my psych's ankles and it is funny now.

My wine of choice is also white and I have to confess having a few last night. It is really hard to come home after such an emotional experience and not be able to share it. Don't get me wrong my husband is as supportive as he knows how , but after all this time he still doesn't get it and really deep down I know he thinks I should just 'snap out of it'. Rather than argue or plead my case I just don't talk about these issues with him because I can't handle confrontations- another demon from the past.

He has no idea about the drugs I take now as he was ecstatic when I finally got off the pain patches 6 months ago after 7 years of opiates and I didn't want to let him down again with my weakness for medication.  My psych wants me to write out my reduction plan, he gave me the doses and I will probably do that Monday.

Monday is always my day to start a new diet, start exercising and now ween off drugs!

Not letting my emotions out was probably a bit unrealistic in hindsight and as Geoff pointed out why should I suppress a natural thing- BUT when it causes more problems with no solutions, well I'm kind of an expert at keeping secrets.

Hope all is well with you, talk soon

Sincerely

Stressless

[lethal55]

hi stressless

goal setting should only be used on simple thing or it backfires

telling the whole truth is always best

lethal

[Guest_3712]

Hi Lethal,

Thanks for that - simple but true

how are you doing ?

let me know if you can

Stressless