Really scared and alone

[Jay bird]

I am 45, 5 kids who are now all older and 3 have moved  out….I rarely hear from them unless they want something and I reach out and it goes ignored. 
I thought I was a good mum. Now I feel lost and rejected.

I have other family too who I am simply invisible to and I have reached a point now I am done.

I want to disappear…I feel so hurt and I can’t tell anyone this because that’s manipulative and they don’t need to listen to my bullshit.

how do I live a life when everyone around you allows you to be nothing?

I don’t know what to do, how to escape this feeling…i have absolutely no one I would tell how Iam feeling so I pretend each day. I am about to break. Inside i already am 

[geoff]

Hello Jay bird, I'm sorry because this isn't what any parent wants in life.

If your family want something from you and may not respect you for it, then I would hold back and deny them until they start appreciating everything you've done for them.

No one seems to understand that raising five kids is an enormous job and know that the relationship between all of these kids can be totally different, however if some of them disrespect you, then giving them what they want isn't going to change how they feel.

Not every child wants to know how you are feeling, that's why we treat all of our kids differently, we can't deny this, and only hope over time as they become a parent, they begin to realise that being a parent certainly isn't easy work.

If you can't talk to them, then don't do nothing, start speaking with your doctor, then once you can become stronger, you won't have to pretend.

Please stay in touch with us.

My best.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[ecomama]

Hi Jay Bird, welcome to the forums. I hope you find this a safe space to pour out anything about your life; good and bad. I also encourage you to have a look around at the other threads to join in on. 

We hear you. 

I'm sure you are a good mum! 
There's no way you are "nothing". 
Although I can hear the hurt in your words and possibly even some despair? 
Please reach out to Helplines because they're there for YOU too. You are important and you are worthy. 

Can you take a few minutes each day to do something for yourself? 
Perhaps have a bath or do a manicure. There are lots of ideas about self-care on the thread of that name. 

Do you think having a Counsellor would help? 
Mine has helped me enormously. I'm single parenting lots of children and since escaping a DV "marriage" we've had mountains of recovery to do... still on that journey. 

Doing what you do each say is no mean feat. You are a CHAMPION to your children and society as a whole. 
Quite often parenting is a thankless task and we can feel used when our boundaries are not respected or not in place to be understood at all. 
A Counsellor can help you with healthy boundaries also. 

We'd love you to remain part of the BB family, so please let us know how you're doing, 
Love EM