Nothing seems to be working out for me

[Paulc1990]

My name is Paul, Im 23 years old. Im new to this site and would like to tell you how i ended up here in hopes of finding some advice/help.. in October 2012 I severely broke my left ankle Skateboarding which was very traumatic for me as i needed 3 surgeries I was in a cast and not able to walk for 5 months.. At first this didnt seem to bad but the novelty wore off quickly. The entire time was spent watching movies and playing video games by myself as I patiently waited for any of my so called friends to call/text and ask how I was or even hang out.. the entire time i didnt hear from anyone which really started to get me upset. I started smoking marijuana daily to pass the time and get my mind off why nobody cared, I then started feeling worthless and the horrible thoughts about death started. Time passed I did my ankle rehab and started skateboarding and seeing my friends at the skatepark again.. they all asked what i did the whole 5 months and just seem to find my response amusing even though I think it is very sad.things felt like they were starting to turn around until April 24 2013 I broke my right ankle, since this has happened yet again im sitting here alone smoking marijuana alone all day and have barely left the house. I feel worthless everyday and ask myself why it happened to me and most days end up in tears thinking about it all. I know this all sounds pathetic but Skateboarding was my passion for over 10 years and ive known all my mates for around this length of time.. surely you would think somebody I have met in this time would have been there for me at least once. I have been unemployed since the first break and am unsure if I will be able to return to my usual work as a labourer once im healed again, this is another reason for me to feel hopeless. I have nobody to talk to, im not good at anything except skateboarding which at this moment in time im unable to do. and have no hope for gaining work in any other industry as i have no experience. I am to embarrassed to go talk to somebody face to face about this all and dont no where to go for help. 

[geoff]

dear Paul, two broken ankles both at different times, how unlucky can that be, not only does it incapacitate you, but also a lonely period where you can't do much at all.

When I had a hip operation three different times due to a vehicle accident, it does get monotonous, all the physio, and all the check ups, unable to do anything, it does drive you crazy, and the lack of support from your 'friends' is disappointing.

It's the same when you are depressed they all fly the coup and make no contact with you, 'I won't go and see Geoff because he might want me to do some things for him, and I DON'T HAVE THE TIME'.

That's their thoughts, rather self-fish, uncaring, and really they don't give a st----f about how we feel, 'it's just something else that we know we should do, but I have to go and buy that dvd I always wanted'.

Your passion is skateboarding, that's your hobby, and that's something that you always loved to do, I won't accept that it is pathetic, it's far from this.

What is pathetic is the lack of support that your 'mates' didn't give you, and it seems to be a general trend these days, and many people have commented on their 'friends' just lacking any communication, and not wanting to help those in need trouble, either physically or mentally.

What you could do is to ring 'web chat', where you are able to talk to someone, and remember they can't see you and vice-versa, and if you are able to talk about all of this on this chat line, as well as posting your reply on this site, the more you are able to do this your confidence will strengthen, it may take awhile, but hey you have posted this, and slowly it will improve, so now please don't leave us.

I am very interested about your depression, so when you are able or want to please tell us a bit more about yourself. Am I being too nosey. Geoff.

[rhysiee]

First of all Paul, you're not stupid. Your passion is yours and when it's taken away from you it can hurt!

I hope you go and see someone. It's hard when friends don't live up to their expecations as friends. I wish I could visit you and chat and laugh and bring out the horrid feeling of depression and saddness. I know I"ve been feeling this way myself and no one likes to deal with me when I'm on my downers. They just prefer not to deal with it 😞

Hope to hear your reply soon and chat a bit more.