Nothing is getting better

[Lou88]

I have been struggling with anxiety for a while, and it’s getting worse & I’m very depressed.

I’m getting help by seeing a counsellor each fortnight but it doesn’t seem to be helping and I feel like I’m spiraling out of control.

I recently had a work event & was internally upset at my best friend of 2.5 years (work mate) for spending more time with other girls, because I felt un-cool and not good enough for her (something I have been feeling for a while, due to anxiety). I ended up unfollowing her on Instagram when I shouldn’t have. She found out & told me since that these incidents happen too often (I have had anxiety before and unintentionally lashed out when I shouldn’t have - I never mean to and regret it so much).

She said that she doesn’t know how to help me, and that I need help but she doesn’t think we can be friends anymore.

My depression has got worse over the weekend, to the point where I won’t go into work tomorrow because I won’t be able to focus. I’m so upset about losing a friend and I feel like my world is coming to an end - I relied on her so much. I’m having some really dark thoughts & feel like the worst person in the world to lose such a beautiful friend when I never meant to.

One work friend is really concerned about me and told me that she wants to tell someone at work so I can take some time off. I know that is probably a good idea, but I wouldn’t want to take time off unless I could see my parents and stay with them (they live overseas & I live with flatmates).

However my parents are going on a 5 week holiday across the world on Wednesday, something that they deserve so much and I don’t want to take that away from them. My work friend said that my parents would come to see me over their trip, as they’d regret it if something happened to me while they’re gone (my parents know how I’m feeling and are very concerned). However I feel terrible ruining their holiday and the thought of doing that is making it even worse, even though I know I probably have to.

I don’t have many friends and I don’t know what to do. I feel like my life is spiralling out of control. I need some help.

[baet123]

Hey Lou88,

Welcome to the forums. Thanks for posting and sharing your situation with us. You are very brave and courageous for doing so.

Firstly, if you are in immediate risk or danger please call 000 or give lifeline a call.

It really sucks to hear that your struggling a lot at the moment. I also think it is so important that you know and understand that your struggling and are aware of what is going on and the fact that you are actively seeking support is amazing.

You say that the counselor's help isn't really assisting? Maybe trying contacting HEADSPACE. Headspace is a great organisation that would love to hear from you and they will be able to provide you with assistance. They will approach your situation from a holistic overview. I would definitely give them a call mate.

I know it probably feels like the dark thoughts are super overwhelming at present and that you can't cope but there are always better days ahead and the thoughts and emotions at present do pass man. Time heals all wounds! Give your friend time and I am sure your friendship will improve. Maybe give her some space and some time away from each other and then approach her.

I can tell you are extremely selfless, loving, caring and gentle person as you show great love and consideration for your family and friends. These are amazing qualities. Don't ever change man.

It will get better. Stay positive and strong because you have so much to give and people do love you. Your friend will come around I am sure.

Stay safe and please give Headspace a call.

Life isn't always easy but getting through the tough times makes the journey that much sweeter when we get to where we are supposed to be.

Stay strong!

I look forward to hearing from you again shortly.

All the best,

Your friend,

Nick.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lou88

Welcome to the community here on the forum. Sorry to read that your depression and anxiety are making life tough for you. It can be difficult to think and act rationally when this happens.

Hopefully your friend at work will show understanding and be able to accept what has happened. It might take a little while, but hopefully you can re-connect.

Some time off work does sound like it could be beneficial. Is there somewhere else that is safe for you to go to for a holiday if you can not be with your parents?

Is it possible for you to talk to your parents each day while they are on their holiday? You mentioned they are already concerned about you, so I assume you contacting them daily would be okay even if they are on holiday.

I believed the psychologist I saw was not helping me. It was only when I ceased seeing him that I realised his advice was helpful. At the time I just didn't know how to put the strategies he suggested into action.

When we are so distraught, it is hard to see things as they actually are and everything seems too difficult. Does taking a few deep breaths and finding a quiet place to sit help you at all when you feel triggered?

I hope you can find some answers and solutions.

Regards from Dools