No matter what happened today, I made progress

[Vidzzz]

Hi all,

I’ve been in touch with beyondblue (via phone and chat services) since November 2017 when I was initially diagnosed with Melancholic Depression and Anxiety. I’ve been living with this mental illness for more than 2 years now.

In the initial stage, I was not even aware that I’m suffering from something known as “Depression”. Being an International student in Australia, I always missed my family and childhood friends but managed to focus on my career. I always kept myself busy in something or another that may be studying, networking, socializing, yoga, dancing, etc. I wanted to do as much as I can until I assure myself that I’m worth of something in my life.

After first year of uni, my body slowed down and with time I came to a position where I was not able to get up from bed (not able to brush my teeth also, still pushed every bit of my energy), started withdrawing from my friends, lost control over my actions and felt like complete stranger in my head. I extended one semester, lost all close friends and just kept on crying and beating myself every single day.

Till date, I don’t know whether I’m worth something or not. The more I do the less I feel I can do. I’m still guilty of losing friends and wasting time lying on bed doing nothing. Every morning still feels fake and I’m working hard to fill that inner void within myself.

Now, I’m a graduate and have a full time job. I’m studying for professional qualifications simultaneously. I do visit GP & Clinical Psychologist whenever I can. Every single day, I apply make up and get out of the house with a lump in my throat and with few questions “Will I ever meet the genuine me?” AND “Will there be a day when I’ll feel fulfilled from inside?”.

I’m still finding answers to above questions but what I know for sure is I’m much more stronger than I was before. But, will I remain the same forever is something I’m learning everday. But, what I know for sure is “No matter what happened today, I made progress”.

[PamelaR]

Hi Vidzzz and warm welcome to our forums

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. Things do sound difficult for you at times, but you have the resilience to 'progress'. That is so important.

Living life with depression, especially melancholic depression and anxiety is so hard isn't it. But from everything you've said you are working through it. Making a life for yourself. You have achieved so much. Good on you - you are strong, very strong.

I hope this post gives inspiration to others out there who think they cannot make any progress in their lives. Thank you.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Vidzzz]

Hi Pamela,

Thank you for your response. I genuinely appreciate your time and kind words.

I'd be very happy even if one person (on reading my post) feels that they are not alone.It happens to everyone of us in different ways. As human beings, we have a unique tendency to compare oneself with people around us. I always felt that my friends and people around me are doing way more better than me in every aspect of life.

I always felt like my life is not on track and I'm way more behind than people of my age. But, what I've have realized is no matter where I'm in life and no matter who is there with me (or who is not), I'll be always there for myself in every situation of life. Till the end, it is only me who will be there with me and that's the truth. So, instead of seeking external validation I ask the same questions to myself again and again and keep going.

Last year, I shared my story on an online chat show and received more than 2000 views on Facebook. More than 50% of the people who watched my video texted me personally and told me how strong I'm. Now, after six months I don't even know who remembers my story (except family and friends) but I know one thing for sure is that the chat show gave me confidence to believe in myself and my power to bring change in people's mind.

Thank you Beyond Blue for your constant support and appreciation!

Kind Regards,

Vidhi