Newbie here

AnonAndy · ‎31-03-2020

Firstly, I don't feel like I deserve to post here, that my troubles aren't worth talking about and I should be able to get over it.

So start of feb, i quit my work (managers made me feel worthless and crap) to start uni. I had to live on campus as the drive is ~7 hrs from home. I hadn't worried about making friends as I find myself to be pretty social, but was the complete opposite at uni. After moving in and starting uni, I barely talked to anyone and if not in class I was in my room. I felt like crap until I managed to make a friend, and we went gym together which gave me a huge boost. I was proactive with my studies, keeping up with my family, friends and my partner until uni shutdown of corona, and I had to move back home (I haven't lived home for 2 years).

My house environment isn't bad, it's just I finally felt I was getting started on my life, I attempted uni before but dropped out to work for a couple years, which I don't regret but I do wish that time could of been spent towards forwarding my career. First couple days were ok, but not having regular reason to get up in the morning (gym), things started to spiral from there.

I've been going to bed 1am - 3am, not keeping on top of my uni stuff, eating very little, basically have isolated myself to my room, coming out for dinner but not saying a word to my mum or her partner. I've also been pushing my partner away as well. I hate myself for pushing the people I care and love away and I just want these feelings to go away. Also doesn't help that I can't see my partner due to the new (but understandable) laws.

Tonight after dinner, I was lying in my bed just feeling really down and sinking feeling in my stomach, and my parter is trying to message me. I ignore her for a while, until she gets fed up and asks why I'm not talking. Sparks a bit of an argument/conversation, which was very helpful for me to get out of bed and onto this website. I told her that I don't like talking to her about feeling like this as I feel she'll see me as a weak person, and she assured me the opposite.

I feel that when I talk to people about my issues, it's a weakness to not be able to help yourself and seeking it from others.

Thanks for reading the post, I just needed to clear my head and vent

Aaronsis · ‎01-04-2020

Hi AnonAndy

Can I start off by saying that you are most certainly welcome here, you have every right in this world to get your feelings out, to reach out for some support and to feel some comfort at a time that is really hard for you.

I think the thing we have to try to think about now is that life is kind of "on pause", this is not like anything we have ever experienced before so the whole uncertainty that goes with it is worrysome. HOWEVER...things will return back to how they were, you will go back to uni and you will see your friend, you will do your course and you will continue on going to the gym and doing things that make you feel good about you. In the meantime we have to try to find things to bring us joy, to keep our minds busy in a time when all of our "normal" has been put on hold. I have resorted to painting, while I am not very good at it, it does bring me joy, it takes a few hours and I have something to show for it....I have used up all my daughters white paint in which she is not happy about..lol..however, things that keep the mind busy are I think what we have to reach for now. I also find writing a really good release, just as you have done here, to get it all out and do a big purge and to be raw and honest, it is for no one to read, just for you.

You sound like you have a wonderful partner and it is hard to be vulnerable sometimes, to show that we do have pain and we are struggling, it is ok too not to want to share this with her, however you do need to communicate that with her so she does not feel like she is not able to support you, rather that you would prefer to manage this hurdle in other ways, as long as you do that. There are also some wonderful people at LifeLine on 13 11 14 if you need to chat to a person, or even our Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. Just make sure you are reaching out and sharing as there is hope and there is help and you most certainly do deserve to be happy AnonAndy.

I hope to chat to you some more and huge hugs to you, you are no weak person, you are actually stronger than you know.

Hugs

Sarah x

AnonAndy · ‎02-04-2020

Thank you so much Sarah your reply made me feel quite welcome here.

Ill definitely keep my partner in the loop as communication is key.

And the virtual hugs do help a lot too hahaha

haknukekk111 · ‎03-04-2020

If you can't be bothered putting a pen to paper there are plenty of websites that will let you document this kind of inane bullshit. Twitter for instance would probably be very interested in the cranky face your significant other made.

Good luck.

Aaronsis · ‎03-04-2020

Hey AnonAndy

Great to chat some more to you, I am so glad that you are finding the virtual hugs helpful, I think we need to get them where we can in these times of social distancing and the whole COVID-19 situation.

I am so happy to hear that you are going to keep the communication gates open, it really is key, and you can both really grow from sharing and letting each other know how to help and what you need and also what you don't want and what you are not prepared to share, that it is in no way a reflection on the other person and how you feel about them, just about how it makes you feel.

How are you feeling today and I am so glad that you feel welcome here, it really is unlike anything I have ever experienced and I credit the amazing people in this community for my healing and for my growth, I hope you get some of this experience too.

Chat some more AnonAndy, more hugs to you..

Sarah xx