Needing life advice and help

[Crib001]

I’m in my mid 20s and I basically I consider myself a failure at life. 

I’m constantly struggling and failing at Uni, and have considered dropping out to get a full time job because assignments and essays just cause me nothing but tiring headaches, but I also struggle to do anything on my own and have low motivation and low self esteem. I don’t think I’m able to succeed in a full time work environment cause even now I’m struggling with keeping up with my casual job. 

Speaking with multiple counsellors, they all say that it’s very likely that I have ADHD combined with Autism and that having peformed screener tests that conclude their beliefs, I should get a proper diagnosis in order to get better help from there. Problem is that I know how much they cost, and my account is stagnant right now, so I’ve been putting that off even though I know I shouldn’t. 

And lastly, I’m someone who is deeply afraid of driving, after having my learners renewed for years, I am deathly afraid to go and get my full licence because I know my limitations. I get easily distracted, drift off, and I know that can have life or death consequences when on the toad. 

So yeah, that’s my current situation and my life so far, it’s pretty pathetic. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed by my failures, and I’m pretty sure my parents have given up on trying to help me at this point. If anyone has any advice or recommendations, that would be helpful. 

[indigo22]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling unsupported at home, I don't understand how your mother could be disappointed in you. Does she have an understanding of the struggles you have in some areas? Giving up trying to help you is unfair and I am not surprised that is weighing heavily on you.

Was going to uni your idea? Or someone else's idea or expectation?

Sometimes we are pushed into things that we don't want and I wonder if this is the case for you.

Did you reach out to Amaze as yet? If not, please give them a call as there may be support available to you that you are not yet aware of, including financial support.

I seem to recall at some point they ran a free online skill and confidence building course that ran for a few weeks, with access to peer mentors to support you through it. I am unsure if they are still running it, but it would be worth asking.

We will continue to support you through this, so keep talking to us. I will help in any way that I am able to direct you to the right people. You are important and deserve to be helped, don't allow yourself to believe anything less.

indigo 💜

[Crib001]

Probably because I’m in my mid twenties, don’t have a proper job, am barely making enough for myself, constantly failing Uni etc. 

I know she was determined to support and help me, but after failing so many times especially when she’s trying to help me, she’s basically given up and said that I need to support myself from now on. 
Things got heated between us a couple of days ago and we’re not on speaking terms at this point even though we live in the same house together. My Dad and I are fine, but it’s like I can just feel the disappointment and shame coming from my her. “How come I’ve wasted so much time trying to help him when he’s not achieving anything?” or “You’ve let me down so many times.” etc. 

[Croix]

Dear Crib001~

Having read all you have said I'm not sure you should think badly of yourself at all. Certainly your mother does, but maybe that is her failing, not yours. 

Loving parents want the best for their child, to have a life as good or better than theirs, and a common idea is if one's child goes to uni that is the path to success -and maybe for some it is.

Then again for all the rest it is not. If one enjoyed classes and found them easier that is one thing, however in your case you do not. It's working out bad for you as you regard yourself as a failure just becuse you are not one of the ones that enjoy and are good at uni. 

The more you try and keep running up against difficulties the worse you will blame yoursef

It does not have to be that way, uni is not compulsory and frankly finding out what suits you and you enjoy is far more important.

For your mother to blame you or say you let her down is just plain silly. It is her idea and it is not working, sadly she cannot see that. I"m sorry it came ot an argument, I hope it ends soon.

You said you got on well with your dad, that's great. What does he have to say about uni and your mother's attitude?

I struggled at uni when I left school and found a lot I simply did not understand, so I dropped out and took an old landrover around Australia instead, money a bit tight but could pick up jobs when I needed. I thoroughly enjoyed that and it gave me confidence in myself wiht driving, navigation, fixing broken bits and getting  job when I did. All good

I'm not suggesting you do the same thing but I am suggesting you consider what will bring out the best in you, and give you enjoyment. Maybe your dad might have some ideas.

You know you will always be welcome here

Croix

[Crib001]

Thank you for your words, I really appreciate it. 
 My mum and I are on sort of better terms now. 

[Croix]

Dear Crib001~

I'm very please to hear it,

Croix