Needing life advice and help

Crib001

I’m in my mid 20s and I basically I consider myself a failure at life.

I’m constantly struggling and failing at Uni, and have considered dropping out to get a full time job because assignments and essays just cause me nothing but tiring headaches, but I also struggle to do anything on my own and have low motivation and low self esteem. I don’t think I’m able to succeed in a full time work environment cause even now I’m struggling with keeping up with my casual job.

Speaking with multiple counsellors, they all say that it’s very likely that I have ADHD combined with Autism and that having peformed screener tests that conclude their beliefs, I should get a proper diagnosis in order to get better help from there. Problem is that I know how much they cost, and my account is stagnant right now, so I’ve been putting that off even though I know I shouldn’t.

And lastly, I’m someone who is deeply afraid of driving, after having my learners renewed for years, I am deathly afraid to go and get my full licence because I know my limitations. I get easily distracted, drift off, and I know that can have life or death consequences when on the toad.

So yeah, that’s my current situation and my life so far, it’s pretty pathetic. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed by my failures, and I’m pretty sure my parents have given up on trying to help me at this point. If anyone has any advice or recommendations, that would be helpful.

indigo22

Hi,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry this is how you see yourself. This is not how I see you.

What am hearing is someone who has had to battle limitations just to get through life. Has done their best despite those limitations and is still trying. I don't see you as a failure, I see you as a courageous soul.

It takes strength and courage to keep going while dealing with limitations and I think you should feel proud of yourself for what you have achieved so far. You have nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. Many without your limitations have not made it as far as uni. Your concern about working and fear of driving could perhaps be managed by counselling and medication at some point. You have been much too hard on yourself, try to be a little more kind to yourself going forward.

I have put a link below to a site that is a support service for autism. Have a look at the site and make contact with them to see what they can offer you in the way of support. If you don't get the support you are in need of there, please come back to this post and let me know, I will look at other options for you.

https://www.amaze.org.au/about-amaze/what-we-do/

Take good care of yourself and chat here anytime you wish,

indigo 💜

Crib001

Hi Indigo,

Thank you for your response, it was very kind of you.

I think the one issue holding me back is money problems. It’s what’s kept me from getting a diagnosis, kept me from booking assisted lessons with driving etc. I’m trying to get a job, but I’m also afraid of that as well.

indigo22

Just take it one step at a time and you will eventually get to where you want to go.

Financial problems do hinder progress at times, could you perhaps look for part time work to begin with so it doesn't feel so frightening? I would also suggest looking for something that won't put you under pressure, you just need to get a feel for working first. Even if that is restocking shelves at a local supermarket part time until you feel ready to take the next step. As with most things, breaking it down into manageable steps makes things feel less overwhelming.

You've got this 💜

Crib001

Thank you again.

Stocking shelves in a supermarket is basically what I do now and have been doing for the past few years. I’m also worried that because I don’t have much experience, I won’t be able to get a job somewhere else because of it.

Sol

Hi Crib,

How about some volunteer work? It may be a less stressful experience than being paid to work, and it will allow you to build some new skills and put something on your resume.

_Gigi_

Hello Crib001,

I'm in almost the exact same boat as you. The only real difference is that I'm suspected of having autism and OCD instead of ADHD. My struggles with school and work have been really disheartening to me, but my therapist says that I'm doing well considering the challenges I've had to face. And from what I've read, you seem like a determined and resilient person. I wanted to let you know that I am rooting for your success.

-Gigi

indigo22

Hi again Crib001,

Sorry for suggesting something you are already doing, it was really just an example.

I am curious to know what your dream job would be?

I don't mean what you may be qualified for, but what you would love to do.

My feeling is that right now, finances are the priority, so think of things you could be doing that will bring in your income in a non-stressful way. Things that will give you confidence in yourself. Things that will help you get to the goals you are setting for yourself like the diagnosis (which will open more doors for support) and driving lessons (giving you greater freedom and more choices). Because I don't know you, I can only suggest things that may spark an idea of your own. Could dog walking be an option? Helping older residents with gardening? Putting a post up on the local facebook page offering your services and what your fee is. I am sure you have talents that you have not tapped into yet. The main thing is to bring in the finances in whatever way you can until you find the confidence that is already within you, just waiting to shine through the doubts.

We are here to support you,

indigo 💜

Crib001

Thank you again.

I don’t think I really have a dream job, though I would want an office type job that’s 9-5, five days a week etc, and that can afford me a decent living. That’s really what I just want.

I guess my last problem that’s still touching me is the feeling of severe disappointment my mother has in me, to the point where she’s given up on trying to help me. And it’s that feeling above all which has really brought me down.

Crib001

They’ve been really disheartening to me too. It’s also the feeling of knowing that you’ve let everyone down. Especially when they ask you how Uni’s going etc, like they expect you to do well and you end up being a complete failure.