My problem

[marc25]

It’s been difficult time for many many years now,  and I’m still trying to change myself. 

When I was very young I use to go to my uncle house. He has 4 step daughter that age between middle teen and their middle 20s, which i became very close with. I’m innocent and very friendly back then and I like adventure, l love everyone. 

I don’t like to stay home because my mum was very strict, and being a child you always want to play or do anything outside . So I would sneak home to go out and play outside, even though the consequences would be harsh for me.

I would play with my friends and always seek adventure and have fun. I’d stay with my uncle house and my cousins would spoil me with lollies and food and I love it. My aunt work full time and my uncle works overseas so I had my cousin all the time. I can not give the details here, but I had been molested at a very young age by those people I trust. I had a lot of bad experience because of my nature of being kind and friendly person at the very young age.

And because of my bad experience, I’m so broken inside, I tried to be active go to church and everything but it’s seems it doesn’t work. Ad to this my porn addiction which I really hate so bad.

I need help but I don’t believe someone will help me, I’m so sad and depressed. I don’t know how to fix myself and I scared to talk about this. Please help me

[sbella02]

Marc25,

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience, and applaud your courage in sharing it here with us. It takes strength to be able to put what we're feeling into words, particularly if it involves something that's quite traumatic for us.

It breaks my heart to hear that you were treated like this at such a young age. No child deserves to go through that. Just know that it's not your fault. All children are born kind and friendly, and the abuse that you have suffered is not a reflection of you or the beautiful value that you bring to the world. 

Have you ever spoken to a GP or psychologist about this? It can be useful to hear the words of somebody who may also be able to help you on your healing journey with professional tips and advice.

Is there anybody else in your life who you may be able to talk to or would feel comfortable talking about this with? Any close friends or loved ones? Somebody safe and trusted may also be able to offer some reassurance or personalised advice for you.

The more that you can express how you're feeling, the more it may help you in your recovery and healing. I'm always an advocate for journalling - perhaps writing a letter (not intended to be sent) addressed to the person who treated you this way, explaining how what they did hurt you and how you're feeling about it now. It can be so cathartic to express how we feel in a written way, and it can also help us feel more validated in what we've gone through, as we've been able to put it into words. 

Engaging in things that make you happy like hobbies and pursuing passions can also be a big source of relief or healing for us. Personally, I like to do things like write or paint, as it can also allow me some time to think and reflect on my emotions and what may be causing certain negative feelings for me. Some people love their sports, or going for walks, sudokus, etc. Finding things that can bring you inherent joy is one of the best things you can do to feel whole and fulfilled during times when you're feeling upset and broken.

I hope this helps for you, and please don't hesitate to keep chatting with us. We're here to give you support.

Take care, SB

[Summer Rose]

Hi marc25

I think you have been very brave to share your story. I really hope that it helped you to put down in words what happened to you, and that this act will be an important first step on your healing journey.

I am so sorry that you were sexually abused as a child by someone who should have loved and cared for you. Please know that you did nothing wrong, you were simply an innocent child—and no child should have to go through what you experienced.

I think SB has given you some excellent advice and I won’t repeat the messages, except to say that I really want to encourage you to seek professional help. There are mental health professionals who can help you to recover from your childhood trauma. Please, don’t let fear hold you back because it can get better.

If you can talk with your GP that would be an excellent way to get the ball rolling. Your GP can then prepare a mental health care plan for you and help to find the right person to help you.

If that seems daunting, you could talk to someone at Bravehearts. This organisation offers support for adult survivors of child sexual abuse via its information and support line on 1800 272 831.
Or, you could call 1800RESPECT, which is another specialist service, and the people there can help you find professional support. 
You deserve to live your best life, free of depression and sadness. There is very little risk in having an initial conversation with your GP or calling a support service and so much to gain. Have a think about it.

Please post any time for support or just to talk and we will do our best to support you.

Kind thoughts to you

[marc25]

Thank you for your help, it’s very hard for me to open up for what I been through.

I really want help but I’m scared and ashamed and it’s a big problem.

I don’t know what to do right now, but I hope I get the courage one day.

[Summer Rose]

Hi marc25

I know this is hard for you to believe right now, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame was never yours—it belongs to your abuser.

Perhaps it would help you to read through some of the similar stories other people have shared on the forum. You might gain insight and strength from their experiences and feel less alone. Try using the forum’s search feature to access these stories.

I encourage you to be gentle with yourself right now. There is no pressure to reach out for help today, there is always another day, and there is no judgment. You have to do this your way, when you are ready.
How are you feeling today? I hope you can do something nice for yourself—something you really enjoy— today and everyday to help balance out your pain. Treat yourself with love and kindness.

Kind thoughts to you

[sbella02]

Marc25,

Of course, and I'm glad that you felt the courage to open up to us here. That's a great first step. 

No pressure to open up to others before you're ready. This is your personal healing journey, and you can move at the pace that feels right for you.

Wishing you all the best.

SB