My partner is suffering I need advice please

[Josephine77]

My partner has told me he has been struggling mentally for a while and disclosed some concerning things which I talked to him about what he could do to get help. He doesn’t want to have me around to put me through everything he is goi g through. He wants space to sort himself out and get his financial situation sorted. His conclusion is we live apart for him to do this

I understand the space but I don’t understand me having to live elsewhere it really hurts

how does this help him financially and how does this help him by being alone

he wants us to stay exclusive and does t want to lose me out of his life

I took

us elf away for the last week and a half to give him time alone and for myself too

he has been in contact and wants to know details about how my holiday is etc

i go back today and I just don’t know how to go through this r what to discuss when I’m back

i Need someone to talk to

j

[Josephine77]

Thanks jt

i u det stand all you are saying

I’m concerned that he may have had someone else over whilst I was away

I guess my mind is all over the place too

would he whilst he is not well himself

[Josephine77]

Your post is very true and I understand it more now as he wants us to separate in order for him to get better so that we can get back together in the future when is well as he can’t continue in a relationship whilst he does it. He did look really unwell when I saw him.

I will honour his request because I am a good person and he needs to help himself and I care for him .

he wants me to stay in touch to talk to him whilst he gets through it and thinks it’s best for us to get back together and be stronger when he is well.

this is so heartbreaking on so many levels

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

It definitely is very heartbreaking seeing someone whom you love to be struggling and you want them to get well as soon as possible, except it's hard to tell when they'll be better. I'm really sorry to hear about it. You're strong to be honoring his request, and there will definitely be times of grief ahead for both of you. Take as much time as you need to grief, and hope you may learn to accept the sadness and pain from this.

While it's good to hear that he wants to stay in touch with you while he goes through his own battles, remember to take care of yourself as well. There can be times where you may feel confused with mixed signals from his words, it can have detrimental effects to your own mental health too. Don't be afraid to call out for space from your partner if you need it, as that's a sign of self-love that will help you through supporting him. It's also a good opportunity to take this time to explore yourself more, discover new things or revisit old things that you would not be able to do in your partner's presence. Fill your time with activities that brings you joy and happiness, hang out with friends and keep yourself busy while your partner deals with his own battles. You can check up on him once in awhile to see how things are going, and whether he's been following up with the people whom you've suggested he speak to.

I wish you both all the best, and happy to chat more as well if you'd like.

Jt

[Josephine77]

Thank you jt I really appreciate someone listening to me

[Learn to Fly]

No problem at all Dear Josephine77. Always happy to hear your story. I hear you struggling to try to comprehend what's going through his mind and emotions. This might be most difficult even for him to identify.

You also seem to be giving him a lot of respectful space, trying to stay tactful and tolerant. At the same time, though, you seem to be left with a lot of question marks mainly regarding his behaviour.

Would you consider having a bit more open chat to him so maybe some of your answers would be answered? You could even write them down for him and give him time to respond - just an idea to help you out here,

Take care there.

[Josephine77]

We had a discussion last night and he opened up a bit more particularly how he needs to do this for his mental well being which I support

he wants to share the dog and he talks about getting back together when he is back on track and his normal self again

i Have accepted it’s out of my control and am moving to give him the time he needs

He keeps saying he doesn’t know if it’s the right decision

I hope I have done the right thing too

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Josephine,

You both seemed to have a mutual agreement and came up to this decision after having an open discussion so there seem to be a fairly good communication between you Guys. However upsetting the experience, both of you seem to be communicating and coming to some sort of agreement. There are always going to be some things left that none of you will be able to control or predict. You can try your best and looks like you are definitely trying to follow this path.

Take care.

[Lillylane]

Hi Josephine

What a very confusing situation it’s been for you and understandably painful.

He is asking you to go to the trouble of moving out. That’s a BIG ask.

Does it mean you are just friends once you move out? Have the boundaries been worked out between you?

Some time to yourself, for some self care sounds good. Catch up with friends you may not have seen much lately.

I realise it’s difficult, especially when experiencing the pain of a separation. Gradually you’ll be able to look back and see things differently to how you do now.

I would be VERY UPSET if someone moved or buried my things while I was away. How does that demonstrate care or respect?

Take care Josephine,

Lillylane

[Josephine77]

He told me his heart sank when he came to see all the boxes as I commented the move

still covers me with blankets as I sleep

Told me I can leave things here if I wanted to
Said he is so sorry he is putting g me through all this and what I'm doing for him is so much appreciated and that he loves who I am and he does t want us to stay distant during this time and he hopes to be better soon
Says his family would disown him if I was not in his life anymore

Tells me I am doing him the biggest thing for him that I will ever know as only he knows how deep he has got to

I don't know what else to feel atm I feel so numb

he said he hopes to better soon and he’s admitted to be embarrassed about his problem and financial issues

my heart breaks every second

[Lillylane]

We are here with you Josephine.

I can hear how much this hurts.

This was your home too.
You need care and support too. And time to heal. Focus on yourself for a while to build up your strength and health again.

Do you have any close family or friends that know about your situation? Were you able to find somewhere to stay?

Though you don’t want to move out... you are doing so at his request.

Can you request he urgently make an appointment with his GP as a start towards his recovery.

Has he spoken about what he plans to do to work on improving his mental health / finances?

Lillylane