My partner is suffering I need advice please

[Josephine77]

My partner has told me he has been struggling mentally for a while and disclosed some concerning things which I talked to him about what he could do to get help. He doesn’t want to have me around to put me through everything he is goi g through. He wants space to sort himself out and get his financial situation sorted. His conclusion is we live apart for him to do this

I understand the space but I don’t understand me having to live elsewhere it really hurts

how does this help him financially and how does this help him by being alone

he wants us to stay exclusive and does t want to lose me out of his life

I took

us elf away for the last week and a half to give him time alone and for myself too

he has been in contact and wants to know details about how my holiday is etc

i go back today and I just don’t know how to go through this r what to discuss when I’m back

i Need someone to talk to

j

[Lillylane]

Josephine, I admire your resilience. It’s understandable to have a heavy heart right now.

A visit to the hairdressers is a great idea.

I’m glad to hear you’re receiving counselling through work. That is really positive.

I agree with JT - you’ve done so much for others. Time to show yourself some love.

Take care,
Lillylane

[Josephine77]

Hi

so he ended up initiating to catch up after I told him I was struggling

it was such a nice day and he was the warmest I’ve seen him towards me in a long time. He still looks unwell from stress etc and he was a bit choked up at times when discussing his well being. He was very affectionate and when he was leaving which it felt like he didn’t want to do the way he kissed me I felt like I was in a movie scene

He text me all night after the day however since Monday he’s been quiet

I don’t understand this if I have a need to text he responds immediately but def gone quiet

Maybe he struggles with this like me as he said I’m not sure what to think

j

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

Thank you for posting an update. Really glad to hear from you again.

It's great to hear that the two of you were able to meet up once more, and had a great time together. Something to keep in mind is, a person going through depression can change on how they feel from day to day. Think of it as, on the night of your day out together, you were both still connected with each other. But on the next day, they're back to fighting their own battles (the battle would be a mixture of mental health related issues / finances / temporary separation from you which is still considered a break up). It's a lot for one person to be taking on all three things, and like you said, he's probably still struggling about the relationship as much as you are.

Perhaps he's still afraid about staying distant with you, but is struggling about it because he feels the need for space for himself to better himself first. Did he mention anything about how he's progressing with getting professional help for his mental health issues?

If I may also ask, how are you feeling today Josephine?

Jt

[Josephine77]

Hi jt

im At a hotel for the night so I can have some space to be upset. I feel like I’m the one who has hit rock bottom it’s all just so hard to take in

trying to find a rental is so exhausting and difficult

the hurtful part for me is he changed his relationship with me, but hasn’t pushed anyone else out? I find the difficult to digest and process.

I feel les tolerant to work and everything in general atm. I’m seeing a work HSO and she will forward my details to a psychologist.
he said he has looked at a couple of the apps I sent.

he got choked up talking about his mental well being and said he’s not selfish enough to hurt himself

I kindly told him I worry about that all the time but didn’t push anything

he was ok to talk to me about the financial issues . Usually he gets a bit shirty with me.

he said to me to come around for coffee to see the dog is I wanted to just let him know

that doesn’t work for me that will cause me more anxiety going back there I can’t eat properly as it is now I just have no appetite but I eat small amounts because I know I have to

i though about telling him where I am tonight but I’m unsure because he has been quiet so I thought I would leave him alone. He discussed when he gets his car back the dog can come next time

I still can’t believe this is all happening

[Josephine77]

he keeps telling me that his family and him love me I’m just unsure why that’s relevant if they do

Hi s brother contacts me to see how I’m going which is really nice

and is helping me create some business cards for my side business

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

That sounds like a great idea, have some space to yourself to let your emotions out. It'll help with your healing. I can understand how hard it is for you to take in. It's a lot of confusion when the communication is still there, but you're hurt and lost from trying to understand why did he want to keep you at a distant to sort out his own problems. Furthermore, as you said, why hasn't he pushed anyone else out but you. I had the same thought when my ex did that to me too, and just concluded with "Only she can decide who is allowed in her support network, and unfortunately I'm not one of them. I'm just a mere friend to her now. But I'll be cheering for her silently on the sides". He might be embarrassed to have you in his support network, and afraid he might hurt you, even though you really want to support him through his tough times.

You've done a lot for him already, and you're very strong to be doing this for him. Hopefully he understands that what he has requested from you, he is doing this for himself, and not for his family... Otherwise, it is unfair of him to keep you at a distant, but still want you to be with him. It might be hard for him to understand the damage that he has done on you, so don't be afraid to be honest with him. Show yourself some compassion and self-love. You're truly a wonderful person Josephine. It's also really nice of his family to be caring for you as well, perhaps they can be your contact point to check on how he is doing instead of you contacting him directly.

I hope you'll be able to find something to eat. Maybe your favourite food and beverage to give yourself some love. I'm glad to hear you're seeking assistance from your work HSO. You're doing great for yourself!

Happy to chat with you more Josephine, take care of yourself.

Jt

[Josephine77]

Hi there

so I am in hospital with pancreatitis and What I take from this is I need to stop pause and look after myself first

he has been calling and bringing me things I need but because of covid no one can visit

hopedukly they don’t operate all of this experience lately has really opened my eye for the better

Have anew puppy in my life now too dad bought one for the family which makes him very happy and myself and mum

Josephine

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Josephine,

Oh dear, I hope you'll get better soon. Look after yourself better, because you really deserve better for all that you've done and have gone through. Perhaps, to put a positive note on covid, at least having no visitors helps you so you can have some space from others to heal from the break up. Congratulations on the new puppy! What breed is it? Has your family given it a name yet?

Jt

[Josephine77]

Hi jt

I agree with you

we named him Yuma

bringing lots of joy to everyone

just had another scan hope to get discharged tonight

i am enjoying the space

Josephine

[Lillylane]

I hope you’re feeling better soon Josephine!

New pup sounds wonderful 🙂