My entire life is wasted

[Jjjppp]

I feel that my entire life has been wasted. I did not experience my youth at all. Now I am 30 and I see no reason to pursue anything ever again. I never moved out of home, I have never had a real job, I have never had the bravery to have passion for anything, I have never had any joy in socialising and I have never been in a relationship. It is not just that I feel it is difficult to move forward. I think it is completely meaningless. The loss of my youth passing me by without being present is so devastating. I feel i can never be whole. I beleive I can never come to terms with the loss and feel content. I will always look at myself as the pathetic loser who did not participate in my 20s. I do not know how to ever find meaning in my life now that it is gone. It occupies every moment of thought for me. I naively cling to wanting some recompense for the lost time. I just want some meaning to come from something that feels so meaningless. I don't know what to do to ever feel like I can have value.

[Picture]

Thank you for sharing, this sounds difficult. Given how you are feeling, it could be useful to speak to a GP/counsellor or psychologist. You may find your confidence increases if you start a course (eg tafe) or do some volunteer work. 30 is still young and there is still many opportunities for a meaningful life. Wishing you the best

[Earth Girl]

Hi Jjjppp,

I'm sorry that you missed a out on a lot. I'm in the same boat so I totally get what you mean and how you feel. The good news is, like Picture said, 30 is still very young! It's not considered extremely young like teen years and being in your 20's so people won't be calling us babies, but it's definitely still young. Even 40 isn't old - it's middle age. You still have time to really get out there, find out what hobbies you like best, make mistakes while getting out there (this helps us learn) and make meaningful friendships and/or have a relationship. I believe that just as long as you're more mature in your 20's than you were in your teen years, more mature in your 30's than you were in your 20's and so on, that is really good and your definitely on the right track. 

It's fair enough to feel sad about regretting not opening up during those years, but it's not the end. A lot of people say your life begins at 30. I've also found that a lot of people who have had lots of friends since their school years still feel extremely lonely because their friends aren't necessarily nice to them and having friends like this can actually make you feel lonelier so even though I am sad that I didn't get to make friendships much back in my teens and in my 20's, I'm glad that I didn't experience too much of that sort of thing and when I did, it wasn't for an extremely long time like it can be for some people. 

You may have very little experience in your youth compared to most people, but you should think about the things you have learned with the little experience that you have had and be proud of it. You also managed to stay strong for all these years even though it was really hard. 

I know getting a job can be really hard, but it doesn't mean that it will never happen. Do you have any ideas for what you might like to do for work?

[Croix]

Dear Jjjppp~

I'd like to join Picture and Earth Girl in welcoming you here to the support forum. 

Society does not demand that one does great things, just living may be enough. However you sound as if you feel there should be more, that you should have learned lessons and done things.

I'm not a medical person so cannot say if your feelings have over the years been becuse of a mental issue such as depression, or even that earlier in life you had trauma which has pushed the unpleasant things out of your mind but left you not wanting unpleasantness to happen again. All guesses I'm afraid.

OK so maybe you had an uneventful life up until now and that very lack of difficulties and responsibilities is what you feel the lack of now.

I've no magic fix. Of course I'd see a doctor to ensure it is not a mental issue, but assuming it is not what can you do? 

One path you can take that does not require much effort or bravery, at leat to start with, is simply to do things for others, with no expectation of reward. Examples could be:

• Do a chore for someone without being asked.
• Call and check in on someone
• Volunteer your time to a local charity.
• Say something nice to a stranger.

These are not my ideas, but I do agree with them, they have no immediate effect but are cumulative, leaving you feeling more worth-while than before.

Things can snowball, checking in on someone may lead to others, volunteering may lead to a wider view. 

You may end up being needed. 

You will always be welcome here

Croix