Depression

Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

replies: 32

Lots of things are happening at once and I just need an outlet to vent my emotions. My head is full of useless unnecessary thoughts and worries that I keep making up for myself. I can start a new activity or hobby only for me to hyper-fixate and get ... View more

Lots of things are happening at once and I just need an outlet to vent my emotions. My head is full of useless unnecessary thoughts and worries that I keep making up for myself. I can start a new activity or hobby only for me to hyper-fixate and get myself burnt out and wasting a lot of time and money that I really shouldn't be spending. I overthink things and that affects my enjoyment of the activities I do. Thinking and worrying about buying things to do or thinking about doing things but when I get to doing things I start loathing it. I have no impulse control and stress over money when its just a dollar wasting so much brain power over nothing. No discipline. Currently on Job Seeker applying for work with low qualification/ no education needed. I decided that I'm not going to try going back to University because it doesn't feel worthwhile, but also realized how limiting employment opportunities are. Having to rely on public transport with transit taking 1-2 hours at worst to the closest available work. I've recently begun volunteering at a 2nd hand shop as well just to get out the house and interact with people. I worry about having no time to do things I enjoy if I start doing paid work which is contrasted by not enjoying the things I do for enjoyment or overthinking and stressing over small details. I haven't driven in a year and only have my Ls. Stressing and loathing about it wont help and it feels exhausting trying to ask help from my parents. Paranoid about crashing the car and I've been overthinking when going for walks near/crossing the road when the cars are nowhere near me but the hesitation makes worry and is affecting my alertness. I've even begun worrying when going up escalators even though the fear is unreasonable. A lot of hesitation and a lack of confidence with everything I do. The support groups I've been going to so I can take my mind off things have had their funding cut so they've been changed to fortnightly and the counselor I've been going to won't be able to see me for a couple months. I don't know what I want to do long term so I'm trying to change my mindset. Its fine to not make a lot of money, its fine to keep living at home with my parents, its fine not to accomplish anything grand and have a simple life. I have lots of ideas and thoughts of things to do but never follow through and just wallow in self pity and feeling restricted and limited in what I can do having to compromise I dont know

Chaotic and depressed

replies: 1

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16 years old, now 39. It's always been a Rollercoaster but the last few years, I've just wanted to get off the ride.My son has complex ADHD, autism, anxiety and learning disabilities. My whole life is workin... View more

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16 years old, now 39. It's always been a Rollercoaster but the last few years, I've just wanted to get off the ride.My son has complex ADHD, autism, anxiety and learning disabilities. My whole life is working a career job, helping my baby boy just survive and trying to save a marriage that is failing from the stress of our child. We both love and adore him but anyone that knows complex ADHD, will understand the screaming, tics, anger, hyperactivity.I wake up every day to a battle zone, a huge mental load and constant self doubt. I hate my life, my body and the choices I make.I saw my GP and have been put on Pristiq, been feeling ill for a week now so that's another little prize ha.How do others manage severe depression and on top of that situational depression from things in your life you cannot change.He is beautiful and unique but raising a nuero-diverse child has burnt me out. It's like walking in a haze all day and never seeing anything good in this life.Is there support out there for parents like us? I've done many years of psychology but feel I need a community. People that get what this life is like, where I don't feel so alone and judged? People that will build eachother up through shared experience and empathy.Thank you

Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

replies: 12

Hi. I'm not quite sure which forum to put this in, but since all my symptoms lead back to depression I hope this is the right place. Apologies if not. I've been living with depression for at least two decades, most of that time untreated. I was also ... View more

Hi. I'm not quite sure which forum to put this in, but since all my symptoms lead back to depression I hope this is the right place. Apologies if not. I've been living with depression for at least two decades, most of that time untreated. I was also self harming most of that time, but managed to painstakingly reduce & eventually stop that harmful activity, I haven't hurt myself for the past 4 years. Lately I've had enormous stress and try manage it with exercise, but it feels insurmountable & developed a habit of picking at threads in clothing or bedding until they come apart! Keeping my fingers busy as I'm sacred of reverting to old bad habits. I have ruined shirts, tops, bedding. If there's a thread I'll go for it. I find this destructive act cathartic, but still destructive. Working in the day is no problem either. But when resting at night, and my thoughts catch up with me, is when my fingers go to town. My next appointment with my councillor is over 3 weeks away, but I can't wait around while I ruin my things. Do anyone have ideas to keep your hands busy? I'm looking for healthy activities until I make my next appt. Thank you. R.

mood swings

replies: 1

hi, I recently graduated high school and this has apparently had a huge impact on my life. I've had a million mood swings in the last week. I suddenly have nothing to do after 13 years and my boredom is turning into anger. I've been told by a few peo... View more

hi, I recently graduated high school and this has apparently had a huge impact on my life. I've had a million mood swings in the last week. I suddenly have nothing to do after 13 years and my boredom is turning into anger. I've been told by a few people that the reason I'm so irritable lately is because I'm so bored. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 4 years ago and had aggressive mood swings even before then, but none like as of late. I've been getting angry at everyone and everything. even the smallest thing makes me unreasonably angry.something that would've annoyed me last month, makes me so angry I can feel it spread through my body. it's like a white hot feeling that washes over me when I get mad and it doesn't go away for at least a few minutes after I first feel it. it's become so bad in the last few days I've been worried about seriously lashing out. when I get mad at someone I usually try to walk away and take a break but sometimes they'll keep responding in a way that makes me so mad I feel compelled to go back and argue. when I'm arguing with them if I can't make myself walk away I'll evolve to the point of screaming. even the smallest thing makes me indescribably angry. I'm aware that it was irrational after the fact but in the moment I feel justified. I really have no idea what's happening with me and if this could really just be because I'm bored. it might be because of my depression but I've never been mad like this before. has anyone else dealt with smth like this??

First time posting

replies: 3

lately ive wished that my family didn’t exist so I could end my pain

I have no one to talk to

replies: 2

All I want to do is make friends and also find a partner. I am so down and lonely and feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like there is something wrong with me but I don't know what.

I [33M] have never dated, had a relationship, and no friends. I feel there is no hope for me

replies: 7

Hi. I’m writing this at 4am, as I get a lot of restless nights thinking about this. As the title suggests, I’m very lonely. Without getting into everything, I’ll try to put down everything I can. Growing up, I had a very abusive mother, who would alw... View more

Hi. I’m writing this at 4am, as I get a lot of restless nights thinking about this. As the title suggests, I’m very lonely. Without getting into everything, I’ll try to put down everything I can. Growing up, I had a very abusive mother, who would always make fun of me and tell me I was a mistake. One of her “jokes” was that I was a chubby kid in high school, so she used to put one of her bras on my bed and say since I’m so fat, I might need one. The abuse even came from her extended family, with my grandma telling me all the time how worthless I am and nobody will ever like me. My family members have even shunned me over something my grandma told them. My grandma had even brought up my cousin (who had committed suicide) and told me she wished it was me instead of him. Even my brothers have been no help. I would ask them advise on talking to women, and I would either get ignored or insulted. Their only “advise” was to get drunk and have sex with a drunk girl. My oldest brother would mirror my mother at times, calling me a “fa**ot” I’ve never had a date, let alone a relationship. I had tried to talk to women, but a lot of encounters I’ve had, the woman would tell me to F*ck off or make fun of my weight. I’m not obese or anything. I do have a little bit of a belly, but I do workout frequently. I’ve tried dating apps, but never got any matches I have tried sporting activities to help me meet people. Like pro wrestling and ice hockey. Each time though, the same thing happened. I would make friends, and then they turn on me. With wrestling, I was given the nickname “muffin top” because of my physique and was bullied a lot. In ice hockey, I voiced an opinion that my team should encourage teamwork rather than yell how much we sucked. I was promptly kicked off my team, had false rumours spread about me and started receiving death threats. My older brother, who also plays in the same league, did nothing to help.Because of my past experiences, I have major trust issues and I’m afraid of people. I want to move past all that, talk to people, and have a happy life. But I’m scared if I talk to people, I’m just going to cop the same abuse. And the older I get, the more I feel hopeless. Like nothing will change and how pathetic I must be to not have a partner by now

I feel like I have no purpose

replies: 2

Hi I am sorry to write this way because I feel like I am being ungrateful but I just don't know what is wrong with me. I have realised for a long time I have had this pervasive thought of noone would care if I wasn't here any more. I think this thoug... View more

Hi I am sorry to write this way because I feel like I am being ungrateful but I just don't know what is wrong with me. I have realised for a long time I have had this pervasive thought of noone would care if I wasn't here any more. I think this thought was really drilled down when I was my grandma's primary carer for 6 months. She had unfortunately developed dementia and came to live with me and my parents. My parents struggled to cope with this situation and so I did most of her care, every day. It was challenging but also rewarding because my grandma is such a beautiful woman and it was my privilige to look after her. But that whole time I just felt so alone. I felt like my family didn't care about me, my siblings never rang to see how we were. They only really criticized from afar . My dad was in denial that my nan had dementia and he said some pretty cruel things to me when I was caring for her. He told me it would be easier if I wasn't here and he said that I was only looking after my nan for my own validation and I was being selfish. My mum threatened to leave or k*ll herself if my nan wasn't put in a home. I just wanted to do what was best I was only 19 and was trying the best I could to care for my lovely nan. I know I did a good job but now I just feel empty. I feel like I don't really have anyone and feel like my family still don't care. I am trying to keep going as am doing medicine at uni and really trying because I want to help people. That is all I want to do. But I just am feeling lost. I have struggled with self h*rm before and have really wanted to not be here anymore. But I don't really know what to do now.ELS

Leaving Australia!

replies: 6

Depression cured! Leave australia! Under 30's have a read. So a few months ago we went to a home open. My wife and I really loved the place. It was a TINY tiny cottage on about 300m2 with no backyard and 2 rooms. Barely enough space for a couple. We ... View more

Depression cured! Leave australia! Under 30's have a read. So a few months ago we went to a home open. My wife and I really loved the place. It was a TINY tiny cottage on about 300m2 with no backyard and 2 rooms. Barely enough space for a couple. We really loved it even though it was probably worth half what they wanted.We put in an offer. 700k. Which was extreme. We had saved just over 200k over the years. It was 10x our income.We were told later the place was sold to a couple in their 60's then about 2 weeks later we got a call from the agent saying 'I'm pleased to announce the house is for rent would you like to put an application in' That night was horrible. For 3 hours my wife sat on the couch crying. Watching TV crying. Reading a book tears rolling down her face. It was because we knew we would never have a chance at 'living in australia' despite being 4th generation Australians. We didn't talk the whole night.In bed we lay in the dark for about an hour. Then my wife finally spoke'I HATE Australia...'That was it till the next morning. My wife never swears and is always syper postive. Im the opposite. After a couple of weeks we discussed how why where etc of owning a home and raising a family in australia. The prospect of our kids living in a dog box. US having 40k uni debts our kids having 100k debts. How we have the lowest populatiom density in the world but somehow the highest land prices. How morally wrong it was that those who didn't have to pay anything for land and education can now extort us into being slaves for them. The more we thought about it the more we realized we both hate Australia and it was the cause of all our depression. Fast forward 6 months and we have successfully gotten jobs overseas and move in 3 months. Ok pay but 1/4 the housing cost and 100x the variety. But with our saving we are buying a house out right and we're not even 30. 4x the size of what we could ever dream of owning in Australia.I would suggest to anyone who's depressed have a good look at your life. Throw away your comfort blanket and realize Australia is a paradise, for anyone over 40. For the rest of us opportunity and lifestyle await all you have to do is walk out the door.

Death is scary, but also comforting

replies: 1

Just to be clear here, I'm not suicidal, I may have thought about it, but it's not something I want to do at all. I have been a bit more emotional than usual more a few months; I used to just have times where I would sit down, think about everything,... View more

Just to be clear here, I'm not suicidal, I may have thought about it, but it's not something I want to do at all. I have been a bit more emotional than usual more a few months; I used to just have times where I would sit down, think about everything, and be sad, but I never really cried. Now I cry at least twice per week, my record was 7 days per week, how awesome. Okay, I cry, I cried and then just told myself it'll be okay, well, that's just really lying to myself but who knows? But occasionally, I just immediately smile after crying, and I myself am surprised when I feel the corners of my lips turn up and grin. When I think back on it, I realized every one of those times I was thinking about death. I don't want to die, I don't want to feel like my time is ticking down and I don't have enough time to reach my goals or even make one. But death is peace of mind, you don't have to worry about anything, it's a fresh new start and an eternal ending, whatever I do in this life, it doesn't matter, because I'd die eventually one way or another. I only live once, I should enjoy everything I can. I laugh at that thought, I'm already practically dead, inside at least, I'm a rotting bird, I've got wings, but they're just disappearing like the rest of me. I'm an empty shell walking around, I used to be something, winning certificates and medals, helping others, being kind, contributing to something I thought would be home to me and everyone I love; I can't help but wonder to myself, if death exists, what's the point? I give and take, but I wouldn't see the end result of what I've helped build. People always say "Nobody ever truly dies" because apparently memories of them still exist, but what happens after those people die? And even if the memories still exist, the person is dead, gone, they wouldn't care or even know what the rest of the world will look like, they have no tomorrow, yesterday, or a present. I would prefer to be dead, I wouldn't like to die, but I'd like to be dead, I suppose. But back to the crying bit (I get off topic so many times, oops), so I smile when I think about death, well isn't that just depressing? If I like the sound of death, why aren't I dead already? ... Because I'm human, it's only natural for me to go on hoping, hoping that everything will be okay, hoping that I'll have a future which I can enjoy, that some miracle magic will happen, solve my problems, and let me be happy; I hate hoping. I want to see a tomorrow come, I want to see my new friends laugh, I want to talk silly with my old friends, I want to see a possible future, just a tiny opening to a wonderland. Even so, tomorrows are scary, I have school, I have to go work, I have to wake up, I have to suffer the nagging of everyone, I have to see this horrible society grow bigger (horrible is an overstatement, but when you feel like a lost cause, it's not that far off). All of those little negative things ruin my want for a tomorrow, but I'll just keep hoping. Work my way through this maze and then realized what I just went through could have been solved simply by letting myself go. I think I forgot the rest of what I was about to type but all well. Bye and thank you for reading this paragraph of uh, sadness? I don't know. But have a nice day and take care people! "To paradise and our dreams! Even if we don't see them come true."-some random thought of mine

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