Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

[resistor]

Hi. I'm not quite sure which forum to put this in, but since all my symptoms lead back to depression I hope this is the right place. Apologies if not.

I've been living with depression for at least two decades, most of that time untreated. I was also self harming most of that time, but managed to painstakingly reduce & eventually stop that harmful activity, I haven't hurt myself for the past 4 years.

Lately I've had enormous stress and try manage it with exercise, but it feels insurmountable & developed a habit of picking at threads in clothing or bedding until they come apart!

Keeping my fingers busy as I'm sacred of reverting to old bad habits. I have ruined shirts, tops, bedding. If there's a thread I'll go for it. I find this destructive act cathartic, but still destructive.

Working in the day is no problem either. But when resting at night, and my thoughts catch up with me, is when my fingers go to town.

My next appointment  with my councillor is over 3 weeks away, but I can't wait around while I ruin my things.

Do anyone have ideas to keep your hands busy? I'm looking for healthy activities until I make my next appt.

Thank you. R.

[indigo22]

Hi resistor,

This is a perfectly good place for your post, thank you for sharing some of what you are and have been dealing with. I think we all know that feeling of being stressed out and overwhelmed but not quite knowing how to deal with it.

Firstly, I want to say what an enormous victory, 4 years without hurting yourself. I don't even know you and I am proud of you.

Going through depression untreated is hard, I know from experience as I was not diagnosed until my 40s, but had been dealing with it since my teens, I just thought I was the odd one out all my life. It's good to know you are getting some help with it now through counselling.

I can understand your concern about returning to old habits and with that in mind, I would like to give you some ideas. Some you may have tried already and are not for you, you can let me know about that in your response.

I think the number one thing that is helpful with most conditions is meditation - having said that, I know it is not for everyone. Have you tried it as yet?

I think it is not just your hands that need to be kept busy, but your thoughts as well. Is reading something that interests you?

I often play scrabble against the computer, it keeps my mind busy and gives me some respite from the constant thinking about things that we are so good at. It doesn't have to be scrabble, it can be something else that you like to play. Do you think this might help?

I also feel that spending time in nature can be very healing, perhaps tending to a small vegie garden or walking near a body of water or a forest area if either are nearby. Is this something that might help?

Lastly, having an animal is very good for helping us manage the difficult times, their love is unconditional and they are so intuitive to how we are feeling. Could this be something to consider?

If none of these are right for you, I am happy to talk more about your interests to see what we can come up with.

In the meantime, take care, you've got this.

indigo

[Scared]

Maybe knitting its cheap and easy to do but its also able to be done in front of tv and its really good for your hands

[therising]

Hi resistor

While under extreme stress, I've found people tend to meditate on a whole variety of different forms of self soothing. From what's harmful to what's harmless and everything in between, it can be an enormous list. Of course, it's helpful to know why the overwhelming stress or other emotions have come to exist in the first place. For example, are the emotions we feel telling us that our circumstances need to change or perhaps our perception of the circumstances needs to change or maybe skill development is the call when it comes to new ways of managing what stresses or upsets us and our nervous system and other systems in our body.

With self soothing meditations, some people will meditate of dual sensory or multi sensory experiences. With the thread pulling, it would be a dual sensory experience, something you can feel and see (unless you can hear the threads being pulled, which includes another sense). Some people will rock, as a form of self soothing and others will rock and humm. The vibration from humming is said to help the vagus nerve and other aspects of the body. Some people will take up colouring in, with a visual sense relating to satisfaction and perhaps hearing the sound of the pencils on paper. ASMR (Automomous Sensory Meridian Response) is another form of meditation/self soothing, relating to sound and feelings within the body. Plenty of ASMR videos on YouTube. Daydreaming can be another one. Depending how good you are at daydreaming, this one can involve a multi sensory experience. For example, if you're lying on the cool grass under a warm sun near a field of lavender, can you feel the grass with your hands and feel the sun on your face? Can you smell the lavender and hear the happy bees humming near you? Sounds a bit out there but if they're talking bees, can you hear them humming 'We love you'? In your imagination anything is possible, even talking bees 😁. Maybe something to help the daydreaming along could involve an aromatherapy diffuser. Put a bit of lavender in there or maybe some other scent. There are plenty of guided meditations to be found, ones that work for us (as opposed to ones that don't work). Some people will go for a fidget toy, one they can feel and hear. Others may have their 'go to' music and let the music freely move them. As I say, there can be a huge list of things to meditate on when it comes to self soothing. What I mention is just the tip of the iceberg.

I think a lot of people experience harmful ways of self soothing but don't necessarily class them as self harming. To change those ways is a major achievement and you definitely should be proud of yourself for having made so much progress. As a gal who's successfully managing to get on top of emotional eating, I had a habit of emotional drinking many years ago. I still, to this day, tend to reach for a cigarette when I'm stressed. They're all self harming ways, highly questionable habits of self soothing. Getting out of one habit can take us into another. The challenge is to move through habits until we find all the best ones that work for us in really positive and constructive ways. It's important to remember we're a work in progress, always reforming our self, always evolving. Occasionally we can get stuck on a certain level of self understanding/self development, before eventually graduating to next level. I can understand your longing to graduate to a whole new level. You'll get there. 🙂❤️

[resistor]

Therising, interesting that you mention meditation. I tried it in the past with limited success, but I never knew about the multi sensory approach. That switched a light bulb on inside my head, it makes so much sense now! I feel better when viewing it from a self-soothing angle as apposed to a destructive act. Instead of fighting these urges (an challenge that feels hopeless) I should find alternatives. This is really helpful, thank you.

Scared, unfortunately knitting is not my cup of tea - I will struggle to keep a lasting interest, but thanks for the suggestion regardless. This reinforces the idea that I should keep looking.

Indigo22, those are all great ideas. I love reading and have a few books on my reading list. When I feel upset I find it difficult to focus though, but when I am better I will pick reading back up. I do find it soothing, thanks for the reminder! I do have pets and they do help me feel better (as demanding as they are!) I will definitely consider visiting the local park more (perhaps with my book).

Thank you all, your support means a lot. I would like to write more responses, but I am out of words for the moment. 🌟

[therising]

Hi resistor

I hope I lead you to a smile when I mention one form of meditation that settles me when driving in stressful traffic. I keep a small fluffy plush rabbit toy in my car and when I'm sitting at a red light I take the rabbit and rub it under my nose while meditating on the feel of it. Imagine that, pulling up beside a 54yo woman at the lights to see her self soothing like a 2yo with a security blanket or toy (rubbing it under their nose)😅. Whatever works, hey. This is much better choice for me compared to when I used to pick the skin off my lips in stressful traffic. While self guided meditation (aka 'daydreaming') works well for me at times, definitely can't do that one in traffic.