My day

[Crazy_girl]

I woke up but I wish I was still alseep. I don't wanna get out of bed but I have to. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without hate. Why do I have to be this way? I know there is something wrong and I know I am not alone but why does it always feel like I am. I turn to my friends more then my family, knowing dam well my friends will do a better job then anyone else....but why do I have to suffer? After everything I have been through is this what God gave me to put me through more hell or is he just teaching me to be stronger. Why does it feel like whenever I try to talk to my mother she steals the words from my mouth and puts them all in the trash. Why does it feel like I'm on mute by my family but yet I let them speak how they feel. Am I not important? Or am I just not good enough? Maybe your just going through a lot and you don't have room for anyone else's pain, or you just don't even care how I'm doing. You say you love me but to me it feels like you hate me, why? Why mother? Why does it have to be me? You say you don't want me to end up like you, so letting me feel like I am running out of air is better then taking me to get help? And who know you can be so heartless to your own daughter, other's don't see it but I do, I was born from a monster. I can never wash the blood off my hands that you put there, I can never be like you but turns out I'm your reflection. Mother like daughter that say, but they don't know what is behind the curtains. If only they could see, if only you didn't make them blind. Mother, I can't be you, I won't be you.

[white knight]

Hi welcome,

Dear girl (I wont refer to "crazy" because you are not) I hope I can help. I wished I knew your age. Anyway, around 14yo I hated being home, my brother hated me and was favoured as he had a serious illness. My younger sister was favoured as she was the youngest. So I made up my mind that when I could get to the age, I'd leave home. It turned out all I had to do is get to 17 years old and I'd be able to join the Air Force and I did. 

Everything changed from that day. I had adult pay, accommodation, new friends, job of my choice and travel. But that isnt for everyone, but it can provide you with how possible things can change. And because I wasnt home often my relationship changed for the better with my father but not so with my mother. As I grew older I then realised how tormenting my mother and brother was when I was a teenager and to this day (I'm 67yo) I hold that resentment.

The only thing I can support your parent for is the common theme some parents have, that is their inability to not be trained how to talk to or correctly treat their children. Many parents think being a parent is natural yet the better parents read up on parenting and learn the correct way to addressed their children. The only way to combat this is to act and react in a more mature way rather than yell and act rebellious. I'm sure you try hard but fighting with a parent is usually not the way to go. Eg if you have an opinion you should be able to express it. If you are shut down for that opinion the calmly ask "so do I have a right to me opinion even if it differs from yours"?  So the secret is- to ask questions making them answer and ask calmly, keep your cool.

I support your need to get medical help and your parents should allow you to do that. Many teens need guidance outside of their family.

"Mother like daughter"? No, you can be yourself, in fact its best being unique and on your own path through life as long as you set good standards and values.

Can you do something for me? Read the first post of this story. And then pat yourself on the back.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

Repost anytime. I'm listening

TonyWK