My dad's depression

[Mayc]

Needing advice. My dad who is 65 has had a long battle with back pain is on medication to help. He is unable to work due to ongoing pain. This has been going on for 20 + years. He has had 1/4 of his lung removed due to smoking for 40+ years and blames it on asbestos from working. He used to drink an enormous amounts of beer before he got sick now he has stopped. He was never around for us as kids and has always been so controlling of my mum. He has gotten to the stage now he refuses to take antidepressants that his doctor prescribed him he takes his medication wrong so he sleeps all day and is awake at night and sits and watches tv. He's not eating and doesn't talk to my mum, only time he does just not nice talk. My mum talks to me about it as she gets frustrated with him. I need to help both my parents as there depression is affecting everyone around. Please send me some advice

[Mayc]

I want to know how to help him get excited about life again, be happy and be able to say the right things. I think I'm really depressed feeling so helpless

[socialmoth]

Hi Mayc,

I am so sorry to hear about your families situation. I think it is a great step that you have taken posting in this forum asking for help.

It is incredibly difficult to help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. I think especially for the older Australian generation, these issues can be swept under the rug or thought of as not a big deal, even though they are.

Would it be possible to sit down with both your mum and dad in a neutral environment to talk about how this behavior is affecting your family? He may not realise that his actions and choices are affecting everyone around him, even though it may be obvious to everyone else.

[Mayc]

Your words are so correct but my dad is not someone who can admit he may have a problem we will just end up getting into an argument. How do you help someone who thinks they are okay

[socialmoth]

I completely understand where you are coming from. That would be a really difficult situation to be in. It's really his personal choice to talk about what he is going through and all you can do is let him know that you're there to support him when he's ready.

An alternative could be to flip the conversation to focus on him? Ask him how he's doing, that you've noticed he has been doing x, y and z and that you're worried about him and let the conversation develop from that point.

Have you also reached out to talk to a professional yourself? You need to make sure that with all of this going on you're taking care of yourself as well.