me today

[mate23]

i am 16 and a student studying in year 10

I don't know if i have depression or anxiety or if its just all in my head, but today when i woke up i didn't want to go to school or anything but that's what most teenagers feel like. But today i felt really sad and irritated by everyone that talked to me all i wanted to was to be alone. I got my results for two of my exams and i failed both of it. yesterday was my Athletics Carnival the whole day i felt like i try too much but then when i don't get the result that i want I felt i wasn't good enough. i honestly believe that i over think things, the smallest mistakes and i feel like burdened by it so much. I really want to talk to my school Councillor or any one but i am scared to tell any one because they might think that i am just "attention seeking." I just want to know if i have depression or anxiety or if this is just all in my head.

p.s this isn't the first time i have experience this.

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

I think it's a very good idea to talk to your school counsellor.  I doubt they will think you're "attention seeking", but "attention seeking" itself is often caused by some reason that deserves attention, anyway.

[Pudding]

Hi there

You are right about the teenager thing. From the start of puberty till the age of 25/6 our brains are going through massive changes - 'refining itself' is the description used. All sort of weird emotions/thoughts keep popping up. There is a fair bit about it on the internet, have a read - understanding whats going on helps with the feelings.

You must know that throughout our early lives we are finding out 'who we are' and what others think about us. We are moving from being dependent children without any opinions of our own to becoming adults where we have to think for ourselves and make serious decisions. We often define ourselves by what others think about us and that is not always a good thing especially during the 'confused' teenage years because we can't identify if those opinions are valid or not, we tend to just accept them.

Please don't comdemn yourself for activites that haven't gone quite the way you had hoped. This happens throughout our lives - things go well, things go badly - its life.

Your Mum and Dad obviously want you to do well at school because they know that your doing well would mean either a uni education or a good entry into the workplace. They want this because they want you to be successful. Success to parents means your having a 'good job', which you love doing. A good job means enough money to do want you really want to do in life and be self-supporting.

As parents we know we have to encourage and sometimes insist that our children apply themselves. I was the laziest of students I am ashamed to say. As a parent, I know we can overdo it sometimes which puts too much pressure on our kids. It is hard to get it right, so please forgive us heh? lol

Depending on what side of your brain is dominant, will show whether you are a logically minded person (good at maths & sciences) or an artistic minded person (arts and human sciences) - some people are in the middle. I could never fathom out why a+b= 10 or some such, but I could paint beautifully and write poetry. I couldn't run to save my life but I was a good friend.

Wot I am trying to say is that you are being too hard on yourself, you are unique, there is no-one like you and you will become an amazing person who will find your place in the world regardless of whether you have passed a couple of poxy exams or come last in a silly race. Failures and successes make us the strong people we become so don't freak. Remember to talk to adults whether they are parents, uncle/aunts, councellors at school or even parents of friends. Adults have 'been there' and remember what it was like.

Don't do it alone OK?

Remember people care about you:)

[Lucas]

Agree with the above comment about cognitive development, it's not until your mid 20's that your brain slows down and makes sense of all the noise that went through it in the first 25 years. You will fail things and you will get irritated at people. Best thing to do is focus on yourself.. make sure you eat well, sleep well, do things that bring you enjoyment...  Once these are completed then everything else will fall into place. Be thankful you have a loving support network and you have places like beyond blue to chat/get things off your chest. Good luck.

[S_A_D_]

Other responders seem to be coming from the perspective of the parent in them. Science has shown that kids have difficulty relating to the advice given by parents. Kids who have grown up in an environment lacking enrichment develop a bias against authority figures like parents, and become very skeptical and/or rebellious to authoritarian attitudes. While some of the above advice may be helpful, it may still be ignored because the delivery method was botched. Also, because of the above, mate23 is less likely to trust me too, statistically speaking. I am willing to give this fine young gentleman helpful advice, but knowing I'm probably joining others in banging my head on the wall is demotivating for me.

Mate23,

The most important thing about growing up is the learning process, which is why parents send their kids to school. You knew that. What you may not have known is that the most important part of learning is failure, but that's not enough. In order to learn from our mistakes we need feedback on what we should have done instead. 

Paradoxically, today's school system punishes failure and offers very little feedback regarding correct behaviour, and many families function similarly. Popular culture suggests that failure is the worst thing you can do, but they're wrong. The ONLY path to success is through failure. Failure is never bad or wrong. There are no bad students, only bad teachers and parents. HOWEVER when you take into account that the teacher is also a student, learning how to be a better teacher, and the people who teach teachers to be teachers are learning their job too, no one is really to blame. The problem is at a cultural or societal level.

Find people of any age who live in a different world. A connection with an individual that understands the psychological principles of nurturance. You deserve to be encouraged, supported, incentified and rewarded for your effort, and how much you improve yourself, not how you compare to others. This is the difference between mastery and ego. When teachers focus on ego, students become competitive, jealous, aggressive and boastfully proud with "in your face" remarks. Mastery is about cooperation, empowerment, self-efficacy, confidence from within, and humility. 

Make some choices about what you want, ask and plead with school officials to provide the kind of environment that you want, and if they refuse to help you there then ask to move to a different school where you can feel comfortable. 

You have the right to be happy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!