Lying in bed awake, sad, when I should be feeling more positive

[GreenEgg]

It’s been a little while. A lot has happened since I last visited here, I’ve been coasting along a bit.

I think that’s what my life is mostly - like I’m cruising, not really there. Not happy, but often not totally miserable either. I blink and a few months pass, but nothing really changes.

And then it’s not ok, it’s really not. Sometimes it’s fleeting - a day spent crying, agonising. Filled with dread and sadness. Sometimes it’s much longer.

It feels like nothing sticks. I want to feel genuinely connected to people, but I don’t really make effort. I want to be more involved with my family and check in more, but I don’t. I want to start doing more exercise, but I don’t. I want to pick up a hobby. I want to volunteer. I want to change jobs. I want to move. I want all of this stuff but none of it I follow through with - sometimes I’ll even get to the point of being sooo close. 

Other people often seem from the outside to have such energy, motivation. They just decide and do it… 

Anyway, I’m not sure there’s much of a point to this post. I feel bad, like this is another way I don’t have much consistency

[therising]

Hi GreenEgg

I feel for you so much and can relate to what you're saying. The frustration, disappointment and inner dialogue that can come with not being able to change can definitely be impacting. Lately I've found myself sitting in contemplation, asking so many questions as to why I struggle to make changes. The need for contemplation came out of reflecting on how a life of little change feels. Not a fan of that feeling. If we humans are designed to evolve, it's like you can feel yourself not doing what you were designed to do.

Not sure if the following reasons are relatable but I'll throw them out there in the hope of there being some revelation for you amongst them. I'll offer my top 5 reasons for struggle with change

1. Hard to change when a serious lack of energy or exhaustion is involved. The reason for the lack of energy can require some investigation at times. Whether the lack of energy relates to chemical imbalances or deficiencies, sleep related issues (where quality sleep/quality energy restoration is lacking) or there's something else at play, it can pay to wonder
2. Another reason can involve 'the disciplinarian' in me or rather a lack of it. If I imagine there's a disciplinarian in me, it might sound like 'The alarm has just gone off. You need to get up for work. If you don't get up you're going to be late. GET UP, NOW!!!!!!'. The disciplinarian might sound like a parent, a boss, an army commander or some other kind of dictator when it comes to discipline. It's a part of us that pushes us and accepts no excuses. If it's not in play, I can be very undisciplined
3. A lack of constructive vision. If all I can see is hard work or stress when it comes to change, I'm inclined to think 'This is going to be too hard/stressful'. Of course, past experience tells me that hard work pays off. There can be a need to change the vision, so it looks like something other than hard work and stress in my imagination. For example, if I'm stressed about meeting up with friends (based on social anxiety factors) and I imagine myself laughing and maybe exchanging positively mind altering ideas or revelations, that's the vision that will lead me to get into the practice of meeting up with them
4. Change involves abilities and skills. The question can be 'What skills and abilities, in the way of change, don't I have yet need to develop?'. I imagine an internet search could provide some answers. I'll actually put that on my list of things to do today. Btw, not sitting with what's most comfortable is a skill (aka 'going outside our comfort zone')
5. Reassessing motives becomes a must at times. While I consider my motive for losing weight, it initially involved taking the weight off my knees, based on the pain of them carrying way too much. I have no knee pain anymore but I still want to lose more weight for health reasons. Now I have to find a new motive when it comes to the goal of weight loss. I need to return/turn again to good habits, like eating well

As you can see, there can be quite a list of reasons for struggles with change or sticking to some form of change. Perhaps more than anything, the top reason can involve a lack of practice. If we're in the practice of changing, something we do often, practice makes perfect and we can do it fairly easily in most cases. As a 54yo gal, I figure better late than never when it comes to developing the practice and developing the disciplinarian in me. If I was to give that imagined part of myself a voice, I believe it would say 'You're going to change, whether you like it or not!' 😊

[sbella02]

Hey Green Egg, welcome back. I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling 

As somebody who probably outwardly seems like I have a lot of motivation and energy, sometimes I really don't and it's a struggle to do things that, on other days, come very naturally to me. 

It's difficult to put our goals and desires into action when we're feeling low within ourselves. There's a phrase that goes something like "in order to love somebody else, you need to love yourself first" and I feel that this also applies to mental health and wellbeing - in order to project energy and effort into the world, we need to first dedicate this to our mind and body. These goals like spending more time with family, exercising, changing jobs, and volunteering are all great to keep in mind for later, but they might have to be secondary to taking care of yourself first.

Firstly, professional advice can make a world of difference, if you'd feel comfortable approaching a GP, therapist, or psychologist about how you've been feeling. 

Start small for self-care. Taking yourself for a walk around the block when you're feeling low can help, it can feel really good to connect more with nature and it can also count as exercise. Make a plan at the beginning of the day to do at least one thing of your choice (writing in a journal, making a meal, making your bed, having a nice relaxing shower, looking up at least one viable house listing to move into), and once you achieve this one task, you may find that you get a spark of motivation to proceed with other tasks.

Music can be really impactful if you're feeling low. Songs can have a way of communicating feelings, or making you feel less alone in an experience, so if you can find a song that you really resonate with, listening to it might be a helpful way to start your day, end your day, or make your day brighter.

On those days when you're feeling even a little better, - and this is where your goals come in, - vision boards can be really fun and a great way of visualising your future and manifesting your desired mindset. If you can, print out a few photos that you feel you resonate with, or that represent things that you really want out of life. These can be places, people, activities, colours, careers, anything that you feel you'd like to have in your life, regardless of how "realistic" they may be. If you have somebody to do this with, this can be a good bonding activity as well. If you can't find anyone who'd like to join, doing it by yourself can be just as therapeutic, intimate, and reflective.

I hope some of this advice can resonate with you, please feel free to keep chatting with us if you'd like to. We're here for you. I also love talking about motivation and goals, so I'm happy to offer more advice on this front. 

Take care, SB