Hi Chrisj, welcome to beyond blue forums
Being ostracised from anyone is hurtful. But family? is cuts deeper. So what are your options?
Consider life is one long journey and there will be many times the hurdles will come often and close together. You will need to deal with them in the future as you need to deal with them now. So its best to learn some survival skills right now to prepare yourself when it comes around again.
I've long believed that your real family are the ones you select to be your family. A few friends will make the grade and a few family members will to, but not all blood relatives will prove to be ideal to keep in touch with regularly. If you accept this, then family blood members will come and go and you will be less concerned. Soem will question you on this but- they have enjoyed their choices over the years- you can exercise the same choices.
Such choices give you power. Power, I mean ability to choose, to not be a target when they, as a group, decide they want one.
eg I have a 22yo daughter. For the last 8 years she has befriended me maybe 30 times only to run away for no reason a few weeks later. It's a cruel emotional game. I warned her that such game playing wont in the end - work. Last year I decided that there will be one avenue by which she will be able to converse with me- attend my home. No social media, no texts, no calls...home or nothing. This protects me from the hurt. I know its highly unlikely she'll visit so I've put in place my rules and - moved on. Suddenly I have control and it feels good.
You can get such control by setting your own standards and sticking to them.
Use search to read these threads. even just the frist post of them
What is you defence- against your vulnerability?
The "gang" mentality
Ostracised- whose fault is it?
The definition of abuse- what is it?
Defending yourself- dont be an easy target
Making sense of grief
Think b4 you act
Tony WK
