Sick of the Rollercoaster

[trybehappy]

Suffered from Depression and Anxiety since I was  a teenager. Sought help in my early 20s and was generally okay with a few minor ups and down for 20 years then 5 years ago a series of events happened which have set me back to where I was as a teenager. Major rejection from a very dear friend, my mum died of cancer and I'm left to look after my alcoholic depressive victim father who can do nothing for himself, he would spend all this money if someone didn't manage it - all this was left to me as my elder sister moved interstate 3 months before mum died and has basically forgotten about her family (another selfish person), my brother who is the only one living in the same state has nothing to do with my father as he wasn't a particularly nice father and my younger sister who is there for me but lives again interstate. So I feel a great sense on obligation to make sure my father is okay (goodness knows why). The main problem is he was okay for two years then he seems to be gradually returning to his old selfish victim self. I couldn't wait to get away from him at Christmas as we took him interstate with us to spend Christmas with my younger sister. I suffer from needing to feel liked, most probably due to rejection as a child. So I constantly seek reassurance which dives me mad. I feel like a square peg in a round hole most of the time. I am sick and tired of the ups and downs - negative thoughts come into my head and I try to examine them then get rid of them but its just so hard. Most of the time I feel so lonely it hurts and that no one understands or even cares as people are so wrapped up in their own lives no one even notices or asks...................... 

[white knight]

Hi trybehappy, welcome

Yep, you got it all right there. Selfishness is common, nastiness is everywhere but more often read on social media now. The world can be a pretty unhappy place....all the more reason to fine tune you life better to find happiness.

Of course hindsight would have now told you that life will hit you regularly with tragedy that would see you spiral into depression again. Hence the need for medication lifelong.

So my suggestions are to re-examine where you are and where you need to get to. Start by-

List short medium and long term goals

Calm environment (country life?)

financial stability is it isnt so

Ridding your life of toxic people

confirm diagnosis and fine tune dosage

You are taking on extra responsibilities with little support. This superman will lose his powers one day.

Time to look after yourself. Broaden your hobbies, interests and relationships with friends and dating.

Tony  WK

[Neil_1]

Hi there TBH

I’d also like to extend a warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue.

It’s great that you’ve already received a top response from one of our experienced posters, White Knight.  I just thought I’d like to chip in also with regard to your situation.

Having a close friendship break-down,  the sad loss of your mum (and I’d like to send my condolences to you as well) and to be now looking after father, who from reports, can be a difficult person to handle in his own right – with all of these things hovering around and above you, it’s no wonder that you’re batteries are starting to fade.

Now TBH, realise that this is only a suggestion, but I hope it’s a good one.   Is there any option for putting your father into a respite care centre?   To get professional people to provide the care and support that he needs?  Or is this simply not a realistic option?   I ask that, because it sounds like your plate is awfully full and that you need to lighten your load, as I believe you’ve got two bouts of grief that are hanging over you at the moment.  The first being the loss of your mum and the 2nd is the break-down of a close friendship (this is a different kind of grief, but grief nonetheless).

May I also ask if you’ve been to see a GP yourself recently?

When you sought help originally, it seemed that professional help was of benefit to you.   Do you think it might be something to consider for yourself again?

I would really like to hear back from you on this.

Kind regards

Neil

[trybehappy]

Thanks for the interest in my post. My father isn't at that stage of needing to go into care - he is 71 and generally able to self care - so at this point not. But in future the suggestion my well be undertaken. Also I have never taken any medication and it has never been suggested for me by my GP.

I went through the Holyoake program in my late teens the one for Children of Alcoholics and yes it was of great benefit, I also returned and did it again in my 20s but it was not as much help, I have also seen a few counsellors over the years and late last year did the Beyond Blue Program which was good but not really of much assistance as it is all things I have been taught in the past. I guess I am just sick and tired of the ups and downs - I have a good life with a lovely husband and a 17yo daughter but still I feel lonely and misunderstood. Sick of telling people how I feel as I am sure they are sick to death of my moods, thinking I will scare them away and that is the rejection I just cant take. I need to go back to a counsellor but am just sick and tired of it.

But I think its time to put on the Big Girl Pants and be proactive as no one is going to help me but me to be a happier person 😞

[Neil_1]

Hi there TBH

Thank you for your latest reply - and it really shows that you have been strong to be reaching out for the support and help you need.  Strong because when we struggle, it makes it just that much harder that we then have to organise and attend the appointments or sessions that in turn lead for us to be treated, etc.

One thing though, by coming here, you're with like-minded people and we are always here and being like-minded, we understand, acknowledge your issues and try as hard as we can to provide hopefully helpful advice, suggestions and above all support.

So please TBH, if you feel there's more to unload, please do so.

Kind regards

Neil