Losing the happiness and want in my life.

[HunterBresson]

Hi,
Ive never posted on somewhere like this but im really looking for anything right now. My life has been good and stable, nothing has really ever gone wrong and im extremely grateful for that. But over the past 18 months, Ive had this emptiness feeling almost just overwhelm every aspect of my life. I belived it was my Job, so I quit and found another, I believed it was my lifestyle so I went out of my comfort zone. I actively tried to change all these major apsects of my life in order to combat it but it seemed to just consume me. In the past 6 months its became quite aggressive I wake up with little to no care about the result of anything or anyone for the day, I still go to work and remain apart of society, but the days of not even wanting to do that are becoming more normal. The want in my life is gone, I dont want anything or anyone. Im only 20 years old, i feel i should be wanting to take on the world. In the past couple months its been heartbreaking to see the enjoyment is used to get from being around family and friends completely dissapear. Life has become really grey and bleak, and it never used to be like this. Nothing has changed drastically in life so i dont know why or expect anyone to understand or believe this is happening. I dont want to feel like a victim and I sometimes feel like the best thing would be for it to be all over, not just for me but for everyone as id rather them remember me for the person I was rather the empty person im becoming. I know i need to talk too someone about this, but I just cant see myself ever doing so. Even if it may be the only way to get better, I feel like the only option i can convince myself is that its best to just let life take its course. I never used to be like this, im really exhausted and upset at the situation, but i know life will go on and im hoping it gets better. Has anyone else felt like this, and managed to find a happiness again? if so im really looking for help
Thanks
Sam

[Summer Rose]

Hi HunterBresson

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story. I am so very sorry that you are feeling unwell.

I am not a doctor but I suspect you may be experiencing depression. There is an online quizz on the bb website that can help you better identify what's happening for you. I want you to know that you are not alone and everything you have written makes sense.

I also want to applaud you for being proactive and making lifestyle changes to improve your health/life. But I need to gently say that this may not be enough.

Depression most often requires professional treatment. Fortunately, with the right treatment, most people recover. It can get better.

The place to start is with your GP. I know this seems daunting to you right now but I'm wondering if you could talk with mum, dad or a close friend about what's happening. The goal is to identify a caring support person who can help you make and get to the appointment. What do you think? Could you start there?

Lastly, I want you to know that you are not a victim. You are unwell. And this truth is the same for the person with asthma, heart disease or diabetes. You have an illness that requires treatment and management.

You didn't ask for this or cause it, it just is. Think of is as a storm cloud that has blown in and it's hovering over you. And remember that with treatment this cloud will float away and the colour will come back into your life.

I am happy to talk more and there are many others here that will support you, too. Hang in there.

[Croix]

Dear Sam~

I'd like to join Summer Rose in welcoming you here to the Forum. I'd have to say I agree (as I usually do) with SR's advice.

You do not sound like a victim to me, far from it, the steps you have taken in employment and lifestyle all point to a resourceful person trying against great odds to rectify his life.

I'd also certainly agree that your feelings all sound very similar to mine when I've been in the grip of depression. The life with no enjoyment, hopelessness, wanting it to end, even thinking others would be better off just remembering you.

I thought it was me, my failings. As a result I did not get the help I needed until it was very nearly too late.

I know and understand you do not want to talk to anyone, however it is the way back. Not a pleasant idea at the moment, but not nearly as bad as you might think. There is help, and it can be sensitive, understanding and effective.

Please do not make my mistake. Go see your GP, set out how you feel - exactly without minimizing or glossing over things, and see about diagnosis and what follows. If I'd done that promptly I would have been so much easier to treat.

If you become overwhelmed and fear you might do something irrevocable - kill yourself or harm yourself -then pick up the phone, call someone like the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are there specifically for people in your situation. It is no big deal and can be a real comfort. Even just feeling hopeless is enough to make the call.

You asked if others had felt as you, and later found happiness. The answer is very much yes. I'm a good example and there are many like me. Hopeless, suicidal, depressed, with an anxiety condition too.

If I had been told my life would have improved out of sight I'd simply not have believed, and the person saying it would have been dismissed as useless.

Now I'm the one saying things get better. I have a life with love, responsibility, accomplishment, happiness.

Please come back and talk some more, it can help

Croix

[scruffa]

Hi Croix,

Great response to Sam by the way. I am interested to know how you managed to "Find the Joy again" so to speak. I quite often feel how Sam does plus some. However, I find I struggle with finding happiness in general. I too struggle with depression and anxiety.

[Croix]

Dear Scruffa (with a wave to Sam)~

It actually started in hospital when I was given some adolescents' fantasy books to occupy myself. I'd not been having a very happy time as I was upset at the condition of the others who were there as well as the results of my own condition. These gave me an escape.

I had to work at it because my concentration was not good, however the first book had lots of puns and plays on words on every page, and these aided interest and concentration wonderfully.

That escape became something to look forward to, and as I progressed to more adult fantasies they have become part of my life.

It was really a turning point I guess, finding something outside the dark places. As time went on I became more stable and returned home where my previous very unhelpful behavior improved and in time was able to show the love and appreciation my partner deserved.

I'd been invalided out of my occupation and told I'd not work again, however eventually at my partner's insistence I took a course of study that led to other things.

Time plus a structured life with identity and accomplishment did an awful lot.

All the time I was under treatment (still am)

Is that enough to be getting on with?

Croix