Looking for clues?

[Jose]

Has anyone gone through a situation where you were attacked by the entire society literally? I am trying to convince myself that I am having delusions but it's more than a dream at the moment considering what's going on. I think I am so famous in the entire country I live in and even think I am involved in a grand conspiracy. Yes this might be delusion but the moment people see me they attack, period. Passive attack to make me mentally sick. I feel like a celebrity, I am kind of enjoying little bit of it every now and then. Playing with attackers is my new hobby and something that keeps me moving to be honest. Gotta give them credit for that eventhough they don't realize it. But what in the world have I done to end up like this?

[Earth Girl]

Hi Jose,

You definitely sound like you are experiencing a psychotic episode. I have paranoid psychosis and so I strongly suggest you talk to your doctor about this because while some parts of a psychotic episode can actually be enjoyable (e.g. thinking you're famous, a super hero, etc), it can get really bad if not treated soon and the longer you wait for it to get treated, the longer it will take for you to get better again. You may also start thinking that people want to harm you so it's definitely best to talk to a doctor about this as soon as possible. Psychotic episodes can start out fun, but can get really bad and the bad parts of it really aren't worth the high.

Even if it turns out you're not having a psychotic episode, it's important to make sure because it's a serious mental illness.

[Earth Girl]

Hi Jose,

Just wanted to check in to see how you are going? Is everything okay?

[Jose]

Not at all good because what's happening with me is real and not delusions. This may sound like a typical denial of a delusional person but my case is extremely rare and probably you never seen anything like this before, I am busted. There is no point of thinking stupidly that nothing is real and I am imagining everything. There is no way out. Though I am an atheist I start wondering if curse is real or not. Looks like I am cursed. Another scenario would be I will be living in a matrix and become a bug in the system or something and now the system try to get rid of me. The way it tries to do it is by making me suicidal. Bizarre may be but who knows. I am not ruling out any possibilities at this point. No matter what I will live until my heart beats. Let them try their best and see if they can pull it off.

[Earth Girl]

Hi Jose, that's not good. That sounds very stressful. I highly recommend talking to the beyondblue hotline because you must be very stressed.

Just wondering what you mean when you say you might be cursed?

[therising]

Hi Jose

What you're facing sounds so incredibly stressful. I'm glad you came here to share your stress while perhaps also looking for people who might be able to relate to what you're facing.

I found my brain/mind has the ability to make general interpretations and literal ones. Just over 20 years ago and during about a 6 week period (straight after coming out of long term depression) I found myself interpreting things literally. What began as something fascinating soon turned into what felt incredibly stressful. For example, while I interpret someone on the tv is talking to me generally (along with everyone else watching), back then my brain read it as they were literally talking to me and no one else. I believed the show was specifically put on for me so that I could see it. And while I generally interpret my inner dialogue like a lot of people do, during those weeks it felt like someone was literally talking to me. There were a number of other factors going on, with those as just a couple of examples. When those 6 weeks or so came to an end, to say it was a relief is an understatement. It was one of the toughest and most stressful times in my life.

While I'm a gal who sees the matrix as a genuinely fascinating topic (discussed by physicists, spiritualists, philosophers etc), to see it as that we're literally living in an actual matrix (like as depicted in the movie) is something that can dramatically alter perception of reality, taking us out of a sense of reality that's in fact grounding  and absolutely necessary in some ways. While you're feeling the world is against you, could your brain/mind be interpreting that literally, seeing every person in the world as being against you in some way, leading you to be suspicious of everyone you come across?

Science still doesn't know exactly how the imagination works, what it does, what it's responsible for, how it interprets things, how it interacts with different parts of our brain. Does it have something to do with how we generally and literally interpret things and therefor perceive them? The imagination's an incredibly powerful thing. Tap into it and you can achieve just about anything you imagine (how to make millions, how to help starving people, how to make the world a better place etc). Tap into it too deeply and reality begins to shift dramatically.

I think once the mind is blown wide open through a trauma or some intense mind altering experience (that holds the potential to continue being mind altering, without stopping), finding a guide to help us make sense of things while in such a state is absolutely key. No one should go through what is seriously mind altering alone, without a guide to take them through and help in grounding ways. Do you trust anyone to be a good guide for you as you face such a stressful and upsetting time?

[Jose]

Cursed like some God out there punished me for my past sins. For example, a punishment that causes me to be ugly and hated by everyone so that I will suffer my entire lifetime. Just another possibility on a spiritual level. Sometimes it makes perfect sense until and unless I see a person like me somewhere in this world.

[Jose]

I still don't find anything I can relate. So this might be out of the scope of mental health disorders. The TV suspicion is quite possible to be a delusion but people attacking is not that much. Even a little kid can tell when person deliberately insulting you. It's no rocket science but why everyone denies it remains the mystery. Don't worry I will figure it out myself. Society is the worst thing that ever happened to human kind. Thank you all for offering a helping hand. Yes admin is welcome to delete this message before the news leak. I will continue my job anyway.

[therising]

Hi Jose

My deepest apologies for misunderstanding. I understand where you're coming from when it comes to the questionable behaviour of society as a whole. I question it a lot myself at times. I think it really is questionable when we're actually surprised by the thoughtful, kind and considerate behaviour of those we come across out in society. It's such a shame that it's surprising, as opposed to being typical.

There just seems to be so many angry, stressed and sad people in the world today, which reflects so many faults in social constructs. If there were no faults, it would make sense people would be much happier and more at peace.

[Earth Girl]

I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I sometimes feel like I look ugly and some people are really mean to me about how I look.

Even if you think there is just a small chance that the T.V suspicion is possible to be a delusion, it's really good to talk to your doctor about this. We don't want you to end up getting hurt and you shouldn't have to face this all on your own. It's okay to reach out for extra support, in fact, it's good to do that.

Do you have any friends or family you can talk to about what is going on? Even if they haven't experienced something like this before, they might be able to offer advice.