Feel so lost

[bubba]

Hi, 

Am a complete newbie here, so forgive me if Im not posting in the right spot.

F48 married and no kids.

The last few months have been a complete struggle and I don’t know whats wrong. Am not happy with my life at the moment. It’s a bag of mixed emotions and I ride the waves of ups and downs everyday. I have told no one I have been feeling this way. Not even my best friends, husband or my own family. 

I wake up when hubby goes to work, and when he leaves I can easily sleep another couple of hours. I currently don’t work. 

When I do wake up, it feels like it’s a real struggle.  The house is a mess, it’s not a huge mess but could def be better, but I just feel so overwhelmed I just leave it be.  

I’m bored at home, but then I have always liked my own company too.  I may go out and get a few needed essentials, but just come home again and lay on the bed, and be on my phone, probably sleep again another couple of hours before hubby comes home from work. 

All of my closest friends are interstate or overseas. I can’t seem to “gel” with anyone local. And once I do find someone who could be friends… they say they are leaving soon to travel around Oz, or are just too busy to meet up. 

i miss having deep and meaningful conversations with people about anything. (Other than my husband)

And ones I feel drawn to are of the opposite sex and married or long term relationships but then that makes it awkward too. But I have no desire to cheat etc.. I just miss connecting with people.  I have no friends locally. Not a single one. 

We are in a social club and I’m on the committee because I have nothing else do to. And I just simply did it, as I have all the time the world to help out.

I feel it’s the only thing that gives me purpose in life at the moment. 

i keep cancelling upcoming medical appointments probably for the last 6mths. I just can’t be bothered with anything. Its making me more sad, as I realise I need help, but don’t know who to ask, what questions to ask, and I really dont want to be put on medications. i suppose you could say fear of the unknown. 

I just feel, sad, down, depressed, overwhelmed, lonely, lost just about every single day lately. And I hate it. I’ve lost the old me somewhere along the way and I want and need it to change.  Or is it just simply perimenopause lol… far out 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

thanks for reading. 

[therising]

Hi bubba

The warmest of welcomes to you at such a deeply challenging time in your life. As a 54yo female who's managed a number of depressing times in my life over the years, one thing I struggle with the most is having no one to wonder with (when it comes to why I'm feeling depressed). I'm so glad you've come here, to find people who'll wonder with you.

If it helps, something I've come to do (one of the most important things, when it comes to mental health) is say 'I have the ability to feel what's depressing'. The first question after that is 'What the hell am I feeling the side effects of?'. Next step involves assessing whether it involves the side effects of what's mental, physical or soulful. Of course, what can begin as one thing can lead to another. For example, mental challenges can lead to chemical side effects, impacting cortisol level, dopamine levels etc (which can be felt). A deeply depressing B12 deficiency can lead to terrible mental inner dialogue. When bad enough, in both cases, the further side effects can feel soul destroying.

Possibly, the easiest things to tick off the list involve physical issues, including chemical deficiencies. Hormone deficiencies such as those that come with perimenopause can be measured through blood tests, as can iron, b12, thyroid deficiencies and more. Extremely low levels of all of these things can be felt as deeply depressing. Considering guidance counseling through what can be mentally depressing can be another avenue to explore. When feeling what 'lost and completely alone in the dark' feels like, someone who offers direction and helps shed light can make a big difference. Researching 'a soulful sense of life' can offer a whole variety of avenues worth exploring. So much to explore but first it begins with feeling the need to explore, something you obviously feel. So glad you came here to express your needs.