FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Long story, feeling defeated

stace11
Community Member

Hi!

this will be a long one but I really don’t know how to shorten it. I don’t know if i need advice or if I’m just letting it all out, to give my head some much needed space. Plus, with my anxieties I always worry that I seem attention seeking for my post. obviously I know in my heart that it’s not true, in my head it is.

let’s start at the beginning. After a massive panic attack when I was 16 years old, I ended up in hospital and that’s where my journey started. I’m now just over 30 so it’s really hard knowing I have been dealing with this struggle for half my life, half of my life is only fighting to get through another day instead of living. My panic attack was because I was broken up with by a boyfriend who I didn’t realise was mistreating me until a long time later. I honestly feel he is who started my depression and severe anxiety, it all stems back to that.

Anyway! My life hasn’t got a whole lot easier since... dealing with years of depression and anxiety usually can make a person crumble but adding more on top has been a handful.

- my current husband TRIES his absolute hardest to understand and support me. But before I arrived he didn’t believe in mental illness & just thought it was made up in people’s heads for attention. So I do give him sooo much credit for being able to adapt and realise the severity of this illness, but it’s hard to confine and feel understood by someone who once felt that way.

- I’m a step mum, I love it. Their mother is extremely high conflict, she’s caused 8 years of constant and unbearable abuse. We have majority care of the children and they are thriving. But going from no children to 2 was a massive step.

- I now have 2 kids of my own now. I had SEVERE ppd with them, so bad with my first I had to be hospitalised. I did not connect with my child for a long time & the guilt from that is just eating me up inside.

- my oldest step child has severe behavioural issues, adhd & is on the autism spectrum, that’s definitely not something I’m complaining about, but adding that to the mix is hard. I love the child but I’m relied on so much for his support that I throw myself on the back burner to help them, like any mother would! But feeling as terrible as I do in general, when he’s in a “moment” and he says how terrible of a parent I am, how much he hates me and how he wants to kill me is exhausting

I feel like I’m just complaining, but days are getting harder. Yes I see a therapist. But sometimes I just need to know that I’m ok.

3 Replies 3

JKingLiz001
Community Member
Hi Stace11,
I truly sympathise with your current situation. It must be really hard to have those feeling, especially in the presence of children. I myself am still quite young as I have not even turned 17 yet 😅, but what I can tell feom your story is that you are strong. Despite how you are and how you've you have seemed to have fought, even if it was subconsciously. You have even taken an immense responsibility on your hands, children. As some say, the light of the world. You seem to be an amazing person and I hope that things begin to work out in your favour more. 😊. As though you may feel defeated, I believe you can rise, maybe higher than you have ever been given time.

Thank you for your response, I really just needed someone to respond and let me know that I’m heard, so thank you.

Anytime. We are all here for you no matter what situation your in.