The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life where you've been questioning so much, including how to make the kinds of changes you really want to make.
As a 56yo gal, I've found over the years that greater self understanding and self development can hold a 'theory and practice' kind of experience. In theory, something should work but as a practice it's may not work or work under all circumstances. We can be so hard on ourself at times, when going through such a trial and error process. I think it's important to be willing to easily scrap certain theories. I suppose you could see 'going back to old ways' as going back to the drawing board. 'Okay, l'll work on the next theory and see if I can put that into practice' or 'I'll take my theory and add to it (reform it), in order for it to actually work'.
Some theories can be incomplete. For example
- 'With a greater level of self understanding, I should be able to manage my emotions'. Add to that '...unless I experience emotional overwhelm or unless I experience a whole new emotion I'm unfamiliar with'
- 'If I spend most of my time being surrounded by people, this should be good for my mental health and soulful wellbeing'. Add to that '...unless I'm facing a time where I really need to do a deep dive on my own, in quite solitude and reflection, before returning or turning again to others'
- 'I should be able to develop this particular practice on my own'. Add to that '...unless it's a practice that requires me to have someone with me, providing me with the drive and inspiration I need'
As an ex emotional drinker yet a current emotional eater, I can relate to that 'fall back' practice and the level of frustration that can come with it. 'This thing which can make life easier in some ways will help me feel far less challenging emotions. I'll feel the high I need, the relief I want to feel, the sense of peace I'm after, the confidence I crave' etc etc. It's amazing how many ex emotional drinkers say the same thing (myself included), 'I never had to develop skills or tools for managing emotional challenges while the alcohol helped me manage'. Social challenges, drink. Depressing relationship challenges, drink. Low self esteem or a highly challenging lack of confidence, drink. When we stop drinking, those challenges are still there. They never left. We've just been drowning them out or taking the edge off what can feel sharp or painful. Certain challenges can definitely feel sharp and absolutely feel painful. Like every great apprentice in life, we gain the skills, abilities and tools to help naturally take the edge off. Consider a wood working apprentice, for example, who can begin a masterpiece with a splintered and sharp edged block of wood. I believe it's the master we learn from who can make an enormous difference. In life, we can be the master's apprentice who hasn't yet found their master and this is sometimes why we can struggle to learn the craft of life. We've been trying to learn so much largely on our own and for so long. We have got to give ourself credit for that.
