Hi StephenP12
Some days I question the nature of certain people who give themself the freedom to critique in any way that suits them. That kind of 'freedom' can definitely come at a cost to those who are being criticised. There's constructive criticism, which can be done incredibly well to the point where it feels more like inspiration, and then there's destructive criticism which can range in brutality (from subtle to extreme).
If it's of any help, I've found it can be incredibly easy to find the most questionable people, based on being able to feel their comments. I'm a pretty sensitive gal by the way, so such people are easy to sense. I suppose some of it comes down to 'Do I want to start questioning the questionable people?'. For example, do I want to question a person who starts a comment with 'Don't take this the wrong way but...'? Do I want to ask 'Do you understand that starting with don't take this the wrong way means I'm going to feel what you say as an insult, either way?'. How about when someone says 'I don't care, you need to just get your poop together', after you've explained why you might be seriously struggling with something. Do you want to question with 'On what level don't you care (about my struggle)? Are you a little careless, rather careless or completely careless when it comes to my struggles?'. Even comments that people make in the way of them being supportive can be triggering in some ways. 'You'll be right' is a tough thing to hear in depression, when it's not followed with how to make things right. 'How do I make things right, with a really good plan for the way forward?' is a good question to follow with.
I eventually woke up to the fact that what's was more depressing than the comments people make (more so the insulting ones) is...suppressing my need to question them. I've found what makes the questioning a little easier is seeing it from the perspective of genuine wonder. I simply have to know the answer, out of sheer curiosity. 'Do you know why you lack a filter?' is something I might wonder at a person about, as opposed to keeping that sense of wonder to myself. I also found that such a genuine sense of wonder gets you labelled as being rude, confronting, difficult and some other not so nice words.
You can spend the whole of your life being conscious about what you say, using a filter so others don't feel upset and going out of your way to suppress the kind of stuff you want to say to others (the kind of stuff they'd say to you) and then you realise not many other people do that. What the...?! I think sometimes that comes from being sensitive enough to feel the need to use a filter and being sensitive enough to feel how a comment would be felt by another (so you don't want to lead them to feel that). With such sensitivity, feeling the need to question and wonder is something well worth getting a sense for. Turns out it's good for self esteem. Also turns out questionable people don't like being questioned. They get rather defensive 😊
