Life advice

[macadamianut]

Hi. Curious on getting some objective opinions on my current situation. I’m a 33 y/o she/her living in the inner city & working full-time.

- I enjoy my job & was promoted in August 2022 after 1.5y employment & subsequently endured some passive aggressive bullying by two more long term staff, culminating in a HR investigation that found the main person at fault - but which wasn’t resolved as they weren’t willing to mediate in person/with an impartial support party present.

- This was disrupted as during the later stages of the above, my mum was diagnosed with 3B lung cancer which has spread to a lymph node. There's a 40% chance of survival through treatment (radiation, chemo and immunotherapy) or she is facing 6-12 months of life. She lives interstate & I can visit, but she lives at her partner’s place which doesn’t have additional rooms so I can't just crash at hers unfortunately.

- I got drunk at the work Xmas party, fainted on my walk home w/ a colleague who lives nearby & an ambulance was called which took me to hospital ($$$).

- On Xmas Eve I discovered my love of my life/best friend/partner of 6.5 years has been seeing sex workers during our time together & has confessed he uses them for stress relief (having used 100+ sex workers since around 18yo). We will be separating but are supporting each other given the shitty circumstances. He also pursued another woman emotionally in 2019 which I forgave him for & we did couples counselling, but I never would have guessed a love/sex addiction as he hid it impeccably.

- We’ve given notice to vacate our rental (now 2 weeks away) & I’m desperately trying to find a 1 bed rental but it’s proving extremely difficult given the current competitive rental market in my city. I’ve spent the entire break going to inspections & am aware of all the application tips/tricks.

- At this point I am exasperated & ready to pack up and start a new life anywhere else, but given my mum is very sick I want to be around in Australia to support her. I have 140k+ in savings, some of which I planned to use for a house deposit with my now ex. I don’t really feel positive to returning to work given the bullying situation among everything else, but can endure it. I have supportive people in my life, but I’m just curious as to what others who aren’t involved would do in the situation.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm 66yo, been a CC for 9 years and am onto my 4th long terms relationship being my 2nd marriage. I've lived with men (defence force), worked with them and fought them! unfortunately many I wouldnt trust and some I'd go to the end of the earth to support. I'm sorry you lived with one that betrayed you. It's great you both are talking- shows maturity.

I've considered your work/mother/interstate/money situation. Frankly, there is an answer but it might seem radical. Out of your savings I would purchase a 2-8yo small motorhome. I'd research caravan parks on the fringe of the city you live in even 45 minutes away from work. You can get reduced weekly park fees. Dont like that caravan park?  pull up stumps and try another. I've built 2 caravans and we recently bought one so am clued up on this stuff.

Needs- ensuite, awning, HWS, a mobile home that can be driven with a car licence, late model, diesel if possible. I would attend a dealer/yard that provides a warranty.

So you can drive interstate to attend your mum as often as you need. You can stay at caravan parks or if really tired pull over and take a nap. Park next to married couples for security (thats what backpackers do) or overnight for free. Buy the Wikicamps App for $8 and find all the free camps in Australia. Mobile homes or the smaller campervans hold their prices. Expect to pay around $35-60,000. The smaller campervans dont have ensuite at all so less desirable, harder to sell.

I'd try and stay at work and break some friction there. 

I hope I've helped.

TonyWK