Letters From The Dark Side

[egore]

I have been suffering mental illness from the age of 12 years old.  I am now 44.  I have survived 3 suicide attempts and have been on medication for over 30 years.  Although my family were aware of my low points I have only just come out to closer friends and extended family.  I admit, I feel embarrassed and sensed that some people fear it.  I don't blame them because it scares me also.  BUT it's the world I live in.  My illness is strange and I go through extended periods of euphoria followed by short periods of depression.  I love being the strong, friendly and comical relief to so many but I dread the next stage.  This period is what I call the DARK SIDE.  As I grew familiar with my episodes I decided to document them in a diary called "Letters from the Dark Side".  These were letters I wrote to myself when at my greatest low to help me recognise the symptoms and feelings I had during that time.  It is my voice at a time when I can't speak, one I hope to one day give to others to allow a greater understanding of where we go when at our lowest.  I just hope with the understanding people gain from my notes will give a better inside into how to help rather than helping in ways that can sometimes further intensify the darkness.  I want to show them the hand that helps.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Egore

Hey, well done on coming here and providing such an insightful post and also, welcome to Beyond Blue.

What a great idea that you’ve posted here.  And wow, it resonates so much with me, cause, though I haven’t written letters as such, I’ve done something very similar.  In those times, those many times when I’ve been down in the pit, I’ve gone to my computer and simply typed.  Just into a word document, but typed everything that was in my head at the time.  From how I got to where I was then, to what it’s like being in that particular dark pit.  It sounds very similar to yours.

Well done to you Egore.

Neil