Hi People out there in cyberspace,I'm hoping that sharing this with you
will help me come to terms with my psychological problems. It's hard to
talk to people in person about the craziness in your head. The thing
that sucks the most is I KNOW that I ...
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Hi People out there in cyberspace,I'm hoping that sharing this with you
will help me come to terms with my psychological problems. It's hard to
talk to people in person about the craziness in your head. The thing
that sucks the most is I KNOW that I have nothing to be depressed
/anxious about. You know, the standard first world problems type of
disorder: I have a house, partner, am an engineer, fit, good family,
friends, awesome dog.I'm an almost 30yo f, who has just had a major
depressive episode, where I did some pretty stupid things. I have
struggled with depression and anxiety for 18 years with varying degrees
of success. I'm successful in my job (apparently) however, just recently
I noticed all those symptoms coming back, the self doubt, loathing,
hatred, anger, frustration and crying. I didn't act on the symptoms 6-8
weeks ago and then they just progressively got worse.I am currently
working away, which is a pressure cooker environment, and in a nutshell,
I had a few drinks, got into a massive argument with someone, ended up
in tears and then ended up self harming because it seemed like a good
thing to do at the time. So.... now I have had to take time off work, to
pretty much try to sort out my head again. The embarrassment, shame,
guilt and additional self loathing of being such a nut case is even more
depressing and just frustrating. I'm so concerned that I have totally
wrecked my career and I am dreading returning to work, because I know
that I'm definitely a nutcase and how am I going to cope with having to
show my face there again?i want to know if anyone else ever gets tired
of working on their mental health? Does it wear you down to the point
where sometimes you just slip back into bad habits, because sometimes
you are just too tired, or can't be bothered? I also want to know if
anyone else here has violent fits of uncontrollable crying or urges to
hit something? Sometimes I want to hurt myself so that I won't feel
anything. How do I cope going back to work? And trying to repair the
damage that I have done?I'm starting to realise that this is a lifelong
condition for me, and I'll always have to filter and work on my
thinking. It's a scary thought.So the other thing is I know I'm doing
all the right things now, seen my GP and had my meds adjusted, got a new
MHCP, booked in to see the psych.What I hate most is that there are
people out there, including people on here, who are suffering from far
more tragic circumstances, wether it be relationships, hardship,
bullying, family issues or health problems, and yet I sit here with no
perceptible problems apart from self inflicted misery.Ginger ninja.