just wanting to sleep all day and night - no spark or joy from anything

[Hiraeth24]

Hi all,

just seeking some comfort/advice i think.

i have a psych, im on medication, i know the things i want to do. I'm not afraid to be alone but seem to seek validation of love from relationships because ive come to realise the trauma's and experiences over the past few years have left me without an ounce of self-worth or self-esteem.

i've just had a recent breakup from someone who was always hot/cold and on/off for a few months, but now im wondering was it because i didn't love myself and came across too needy that this is why the relationship ended.

i don't get any enjoyment or spark from anything anymore. All my family is in victoria and i am in brisbane and with COVID - as well as my mum who is my closest person i want to speak to (getting too upset and stressed in my times of need because of her own trauma as well as being super healthy and now having to retire after multiple strokes. i feel exhausted, i feel empty. it feels like the road ahead is just unatainable.

i have been filling voids with unescessary spending which just makes things worse as i have a large outstanding debt from exes and paying for everything that's going nowhere despite having a good job.

most recently, i felt so low that i just wanted to not wake up. i hadn't been able to go to work for 3 nights and couldn't move from bed or eat anything. i suffer from anxiety too and i just feel like im constantly running a race with all this adrenaline built up.

i feel like i've always been the stepping stone for past relationships- the empath who loves them wholeheartedly despite any flaws and then they up and leave and find their forever.

that's hard. as that's something i've always wanted and i feel i deserve.

is it just i'm not attracting the right people because i have so much work to do?

i feel lost, i feel alone, and i feel frustrated.

[therising]

Hi Hiraeth24

You do sound so thoroughly exhausted which is no surprise, given all the hard work you've put into to everything and everyone. Never lose sight of how hard you've worked to get the where you are.

Being an empath can be extremely exhausting at times. I bet you can easily sense the best in people and set your sights on bringing out the best in them. Do you feel the most exhausting part of this involves you 'bashing your head against a brick wall' so to speak? It's kind of like destroying yourself in the process of trying to raise others. Do you feel like an enthusiastic guide who's not listened to? Some folk don't want to change. Karma dictates they'll feel the discomfort that comes with not changing, somewhere further down the track.

It's amazing how you can suddenly wake up and realise who you naturally are. I imagine you are someone who naturally holds the ability to feel deeply, the ability to see a person's potential (you're a natural visionary), the ability to feel a lack of what you truly need, the ability to question your self (a requirement for personal evolution), you have the ability to feel the physical impact of your thoughts and the list goes on. You have a lot of abilities, you gotta admit 🙂 I've found one of the greatest and most challenging one relates to feeling the deep need for change. 'How do I change, what do I change and where do I start?' is a triggering question.

I won't ask if you think the medication is working, instead I'll ask if you can feel how it's working. How does the med lead you to feel yourself and life? Does it lead you to feel lacking in energy or a lot of mental/physical hyperactivity (anxiety)? Perhaps it leads you to feel erratic energy. Would a different one lead you to feel differently?

Sounds cliche but I've found, in managing my mental health, it pays to 'get in touch with my feelings', how I feel people and life. Being a sensitive or an empath, I imagine this would come naturally for you. While it may be easy for you to feel someone bringing you down, would you consider expressing your wonder at them: 'I cannot help but wonder why you're bringing me down (shifting my vibe). Please explain, cause I got no idea'. We're typically conditioned to stop questioning. A little kid may question 'Why are you so mean to me?' only to be shut down through the directive 'Stop questioning me and do as you're told'. Personally, I've found resurrecting my inner child to be liberating yet triggering for others.

🙂

[A_B]

The truth is you are okay just the way you are. It is hard when we feel low, anxious and lack energy to not become self critical and think there is something wrong with us. It is our ego/inner child at play that allows these thoughts to creep in. They are just thoughts and not the truth. You have to keep reminding yourself that you are okay just the way your are. And remind your ego/inner child to settle back a bit.

I think when we come from a place of not loving ourselves enough, then we seek that validation, from others. In so doing, we can attract, the wrong type of relationship. We are trying to fill the void of not loving ourselves enough and reach out to someone else what we need to really give ourselves. Loving ourselves, especially through difficult times can be hard work, but it is so worth it. It does not have to be complicated, but simply reminding yourself daily, that you are loveable no matter what and that you an awesome human! Quite simply because you are.

How often are you seeing your pysch and are they supporting you through this? Sounds like to me you may need to reach out for a bit of extra support at this time. And Covid is most definitely a tough time where we have all needed a little extra support.