dear Loula, can I thank you for coming to this site and posting your comment.
Please please don't consider yourself as being a failure, you have an illness, you didn't ask for it and never ever wanted to have it, none of us do, we were just the ones that the roulette wheel spun and landed on our number.
We weren't to know that this would happen to us, and unfortunately it can affect the ones we love, but isn't this part of our marriage vows, in sickness and in health, yes it is supposed to be, I'll leave it there.
You are degrading yourself far too much, and surely the church will keep him in mind in 6 months time, and by this it means that you feel as though the pressure is on for yourself to get better, but depression is not something that can be forced onto us to get better, it goes when it's time, and by not being religious, I can't understand the logic of your church.
I have no intention of going into how the church operates, because that's not really the concern here, what does worry me is how you are going to get on.
You don't only have depression but low self esteem and plenty of guilt.
There are times in our life that we just can't do what we want to, or to even support someone we love, and these circumstances have a huge range, but have to be taken into account, and in your case you can't be with husband, so there can be plenty of time to catch up, you have to get better, that's first priority. L Geoff. x
