Jobs, unsupportive partner, stress

[ALeo]

I recently was forced to leave a job and company I love because of a new bully manager who’s made my life miserable for the past few months. Now jobless, I’m stressed out with mortgage and bills. Worst of all my partner blames me for being unemployed and kept saying I’m the problem instead. He was unhappy because we can’t afford to go on holidays. I had to re-adjust my spending as well which makes him more upset to the point he didn’t want to go out anymore because ‘we need to save money’ as you have no job. I cried almost every night and I’m at a loss. I’m trying my best to find a job but it’s been a few months. I sometimes looked at my friends social media updates with amazing jobs and supportive partner, which made me even sadder. Whilst I am applying for jobs late into the night my partner is in the bedroom sleeping. I felt so inadequate and desperate. I’m not coping well with the stress and negativity and wonder what I can do? Any advice will be great.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This is actually a more serious problem than meets the eye, so to speak.

We humans seek partnets for many teason, one of which is faith in another person. Support going through life is paramount and when these hurdles appear we rely on our partner to share the load until we remedy the situation. After all, you'd do the same for him right?

To tolerate sarcasm, reminders and so on is mental torment. I would go further and suggest that his behavior is a deal breaker with your future. If this is how he is going to react everytime there is a crisis, I'm not convinced your future is secure.

I can only suggest you seek counseling.

Seeking employment is no longer easy. Good luck.

TonyWK

[Katherine22]

Hi Aleo, firstly I want to tell you that you were very brave to leave your job bcos of the bullying. Your mental health and general health are the most important thing and putting up with people’s torment is not ok. You need to explain this to your partner and no matter what he says be ok with yourself that this was the best decision for YOU. XX

as to your mortgage and bills, contact them ASAP to tell them what has happened, most lenders and providers have a hardship plan that can take some pressure off you at the moment until you get back on your feet. This will relieve some of your stress so you can focus on you.

Have you thought of having some counseling? Being bullied is traumatic and it may help you to talk it through so you can move forward and be ok. I have been through this so I understand.

As to your partner being worried about a holiday, I think his priorities are out of order and maybe you can talk to him about this. The most important thing I can tell you is not to compare yourself with other people, this is a sure fire way to make yourself feel bad. Also you don’t really know what is happening In other peoples lives, most of it is just a front. Your life is what is important and that’s where your focus should be. Self care is extremely important when you are unemployed. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Do nice little things for yourself. Maybe try some meditation it’s great for stress relief. Keep up with the job hunting and I’m sure you will be rewarded soon. Never give up! Thinking of you. Xxxx

[Nothappyuni]

Hi ALeo, I am a Leo too,

I know where you are coming from. So many people on the forums, yet there is a definite connection with how they are feeling or what they are experiencing.

I get $15 a week from the government to assist with my studies. THAT IS IT! So my partner insists that I should do full time studies (because I need to finish the degree ASAP) AND have a job or two. I think the pressure of no money wears on partners. But, they need to see the other perspective, your side of things.

I have been looking for work too.

I have no idea how I can balance a family: take kids to school and pick up, help them with home-work, support an elderly parent, full time uni and work a couple of jobs- but I guess I will find out.

I don't know how long you have been with your partner, but, seeing someone together may be an idea. Relationships Australia is a good start.

Good luck with the job hunting!

P.S. Stop looking at your friends social media.

My partner has a friend that is always posting how Wonderfull her life is. Holiday shots, and what she's about to eat... We called into her place a month back. Her husband had moved out, her oldest had had a boyfriend move in (who now sold illicit substances from her house), and the middle child had attempted suicide.

What we want people to see, and reality, are often not even related.