It's finally Happened

[captain_nervous]

I'm new here and just wanted to tell my story.

I was diagnosed with depression in my late teens. I had difficulty maintaining any treatment regime and pretty much led a messy existence using illicit drugs, taking a lot of risks and bouncing from one disaster or job to another. In my mid twenties I met a girl and finally got help. The help was antidepressants which I feel have been holding me back from the brink for the past ten years, but for some reason I never had the strength to tackle my depression head on. I somehow managed to stay married and have a good job but all my energy went to hiding my illness from anyone but closest family, keeping my job and finding new excuses for sick leave and odd behaviour and not breaking down. My family were my only friends, I had no social life to speak of and I lived in constant fear and anxiety.

All of that was before my daughter was born. She has significant disabilities. Shortly after she was born (three years ago) three of my family members died in an accident. Since that time my anxiety and depression have gone into overdrive. I have kept working though, and drinking (a lot) more, and eating more and I am in a black hole, worse than when I wasn't taking AD's.

So it finally happened, I broke down at work. Had a total meltdown. I haven't been back for two weeks and I am having anxiety attacks every hour. I think I may have finally hit rock bottom and I don't see a way out. Doc has increased my meds and I am seeing a psych as regularly as I can afford...freaking out that it won't work.

[Neil_1]

Hi C.N.

Thank you for providing your post and welcome to Beyond Blue.

Oh man, you’ve been through the wringer and some.  Three years ago, but I’m sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your family members – that is bound to send anyone in a downward spiral, but with mental health issues prior to that, it’s no wonder that things have built to such a level that it’s all just bubbled right over.

But can I say, that I feel that you’re going about things in a very positive manner and are doing the right things to try and help.  You’re seeing your Doctor, who has you on medication(s) and has also increased the dosage;  and you’re seeing a psych on a reasonably regular basis (and yes, they can be exy, but hopefully by obtaining a referral from your Doc, you can get quite an amount off the bill via Medicare).  So those are three very important mechanisms you’ve got in place to assist you.

With regard to work, do you feel they were (are) supportive of you and that you are just on some sick leave for the moment, but your job is safe for when you return.  Workplaces can vary a lot with regard to mental health issues – so I do hope you’re in a situation where they will support you??

I do hope that your daughter is going along as well as she can, with her disabilities – which again would be a great strain on you and your wife.

Are you able to try any kind of physical activity?   Going for a walk, run;  to the gym or cycling?   Or even playing a sport – because any of these things can be very beneficial as a way of a obtaining a stress release and at the same time, really helping your body with being healthier and fitter.

Do you have other interests/hobbies that you may be able to find some time to try and do – again something that may help to improve your mental health level as well as giving you something else to focus on.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[geoff]

dear C.N, thanks for coming to the site and deciding to post your first comment is an enormous task, but you have achieved this, so good on you.

This is a rather powerful post, in many ways, but by taking AD's will help your brain balance up to overcome depression, but they don't help you overcome your feelings of why you were depressed, because these have to be talked through with a psych otherwise they will still haunt you.

I am so sorry for the loss of your three family members, as something like this will upset anybody, and then with your precious daughter, I truly hope that she gets all the possible help she can, sometimes we question why life can be so difficult, as it's never fair.

I wish that I could say that by being depressed can be overcome within a day, but it doesn't, sadness can but not depression, and we never know how long we have to suffer, because it's such a cruel illness.

Talk to your doctor about how you reduce the costs of seeing your psych, as this is certainly a major problem not only for those with depression but with the government's inability to provide for more financial support.

Please keep talking to us, as it's a safe forum. Geoff.