Depressed

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Sorry, I'm back & I can't get my mind off of the thought that my management at work is not good.

They're okay. I think I need to leave, but I'm terrible at getting jobs. 

Plus too, I'm the only one who thinks our management is not doing a good job! My brain has given up & I don't want to have ideas, as no one likes them & they don't like change.

Most people there think management are the best (I don't say anything, as it wouldn't be professional) , which makes me more lonely as I'm the only one and I feel bad & guilty.

Don't get me wrong, their not bad people, just not good managers, more into the money. 

I'm so bad, that I've been wishing for directors or judges or lawyers to tell them what to do.

I can't seem to rid my brain of this thought, to just do my work.

I can't go to HR, as they can't do anything - I'm an awful awful person, for even thinking how hopeless they are - plus too, they act like their doing a wonderful job - so I'm wrong

Thanks for letting me rant - and I am trying to find another job, but it's hard & than I get more depressed, because there's probably more bad management out there & so there's no point in leaving...

I've been doing really great, & now...

On the bright side, it was a nice day today...

I understand why people get depressed at work, but also sad as management are people, but can't see the wood for the trees, that people can't talk to them, to tell the truth. I can now understand how court cases happen because of it, but that's useless as unless people want to change, they won't. 

But also too, in the world, there's no hope as bad management stays in organisations- no one cares.

[randomxx]

Hi there op .

Ofc it's alright. 15yrs you've done really well actually for these days a lot of people would've had 3 or 4 jobs in that time.

They say we have 3 or 4 careers too these days and l did myself too actually and known plenty of others.People often even just need change to if nothing else.

At any rate, so lt's all just up to you really, your the boss. lf your not happy in cruise mode there that's cool many aren't. Lot pf people go on persisting

but just despising their job yrs and yrs.

The others at yours must be fine with cruise though and that's all good but that's them and your you.

Good luck with things anyway.

rx

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks & sorry for late reply.

Been good & am on holiday now, but am overthinking again. 

Been comparing where I work with other places, other places are doing stuff or achieving stuff, but like social media that's possibly not the case.

Been on here before complaining about lack of progress but from a book I read called "The Let Them " theory, I need to Let Them Do What They want, I can't change them & just today, I admitted their the I word. Ends with T.

Its just today, but unlike other days, I am telling myself its not gonna happen, I got mixed up & confused.

I've noticed the world has so many automatic updates, like phone, tv, email, app, etc, oh railway timetables & where I work we have print loose leaf updates for the lawyers.... I've realized I've mixed the two up, its confusing - I've complained & banged on about them & about us having them for so long & I don't think people use them & I've had staff going off at me for complaining about them - saying pass it off to someone else to do if I'm tired of them, for a break, & like last June, I realized with all the phone software updates I've gotten mixed up. The legal profession are different from the rest of the world - the world has adapted & moved on and them, at least from where I come from, they're popular - My anger & anxiety is from this, wanting to change it, but I can't - I need to accept I was wrong. I googled it, computer updates have around for 26 years, so if print loosleaf is still popular, as publishers are still producing them than, ...my god, what a silly goose I been. But I guess I've seen the world & all the tech & mixed them up. It truly is confusing. 

There is one other person at work who agrees, & also, my other sin is that I think my manager is a dud, not personally, just workwise, but again I can't change her & she won't change...

Gotta one, keep on applying & accept them.

I am listening to Jay Shetty, as he's quite good & positive & I'm being negetive. I like him as he has deep conversations, people at work I can't have deep conversations - just work & general conversations. 

I don't know what's wrong with me, not grateful, & I'm a level 1, but my job don't feel meaningful or has purpose - its a way to pay the bills & mortgage. I don't kniw why I want more than just paying me bills & food. Why do other people do meaningful jobs with purpose

[JacintaMarie]

Hi,

How are you? I'm on my last day of holidays & am getting anxious about going back to work. 

I'm wrried that I'm going to go back to the old way. 3 weeks I've been free to do what I want.

Next week, I'll ne back & I'll be nervous about doing something wrong & getting told off.

It doesn't help that I think they might be immature, the things they complain about, the rules they made up. I'm afraid I'm not hoibg to just agree, if I don't than arguments will stary up & I'm afraid the last 5 years I'll be back to the anger again. It is sad that I feel like this, that I don't trust them & also I feel they don't trust me, I don't always ask questions all the time.

I know its not their fault, they are who they are, but I just don't fit in there, I obey but have ideas.

Am listening to Jay Shetty.

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

Welcome back to the forums. I understand being nervous about getting told off or making a mistake is anxiety-inducing since I know you must want to do well in your job. I imagine you feel like a bit of an outsider, disagreeing with your workmates and not trusting them. I hope you're at least enjoying your job and feel content in what you're doing. As for the colleagues, it's true we don't always get along with everyone and it can be difficult when you don't have much in common. Is there anyone at all at work you could have a chat with? If not, I hope you have someone in your life outside of work that are your people. All you can really do is focus on your work, and not on people who you don't enjoy being around. 

Hope you get into the swing of going back to work and your routine and maybe you'll feel less anxious soon.

Take care,

PsychDiaries

[JacintaMarie]

Hi, sorry for my lateness, yes there is someone I can talk too there.

I should be happy, I got everything I need too to be happy, a job, a house, food, everything...but am still not happy.

I try to see the flowers etc, or small things, which helps.

With work, can't hope work will have progress, as the bosses aren't doers & we're neither the money & I don't want to become a boss to be able to make the changes, as I see the type of people they are & just think its too hard trying to get them to do actual work or convince them, it takes generations to change people.

I've recently asked the Universe to forgive me for my bad thoughts about them.

Don't kniw when this unhappiness will go & for my head to be in peace.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Thanks for that. I understand now that its the type of people they are, they're proberly never gonna change.

Just don't know why I'm not happy, I've got everything I need to be happy, or is that depression. 

I would like a job that gives me purpose, so I can feel good about getting money.

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks, I've recently realized that their not doers, so they won't do anything.

I'm too low down to make change & the type of people that are in management, it just doesn't make me want to be in it. Too hard to make people change.

I don't have evidence & I just don't have any purpose in life. Low down people don't have purpose, well not like lawyers or doctors or directers. 

Don't know why not happy, I've got job, house, food, etc. 

Though that's depression.

Been praying to Universe/God to get rid of unhappy thoughts in head.

And I am looking for Purposeful job

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Oh, I've been told their just inept, but they don't seem to want to get better. 

Or they don't think their inept. 

I don't know why people want to be inept. Apparently there's nothing governments can do about inept agemcies, ...corruption yes

I don't have any evidence anyway. 

Been praying for these bad thoughts to go from head. Don't know why I'm not happy, as I got everything & want to give up on idea happening there.

People aren't doers there & legal profession are just not progressive, well I think its government not giving the courts money to upgrade. That'll take decades for that to happen, government procurement takes years.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

I did that this morning, I complimented them on an idea of making the acquisition approval just one person, rather than three.

I will try to be empathic, but after 16 yeats I've lost it & I've given up on sll management. None of them do anything, just stress out. If you don't like the stress, find another job. They chose that stressful job