Is depression stuck at my core?

[hope4joy]

Hi everyone, I’ve just joined up to this
forum because I’m feeling pretty alone with my depression lately. I’m in this
weird place where I’ve done a fair bit of therapy and growth stuff over the
last few years and have better skills in coping with distress and keeping
active and talking about how I feel and looking after myself physically etc BUT
at the same time I just seem to be getting sadder and sadder and in a way more
and more isolated from meaningful connections with people. So despite all my
new skills I feel further away from living and joy and life. Can anyone relate?
I’m in my mid 30s and am scared that my depression will just keep getting worse
no matter what I do. I used to have so much enthusiasm for trying to heal, but
this year I’m trying to accept I might have a life-long mental illness. But how
can I help the downward slide from getting worse...? Its like the treatments
affect the superficial parts of my depression, but at my core it doesn’t budge
:(

[hope4joy]

Hi chicken wings,

thank you for your kind reply. I get what you're saying about being 'on pause' waiting to see your psychologist. I'm awaiting my next appointment on the 11th, it still feels like miles away. I kind feel like my life has often been on hold through depression, I try not to be in that place but sometimes it takes all ones energy to just survive life. yeah its a scary stage of life this mid 30s business!!!

Thats really great to hear that your work is a support. Can you be open about depression/anxiety there? What do you find supportive? I also find I often love my work, especially some of the meaningful relationships. I was team leader just before xmas and i couldn't cope with the extra responsibility, which is why i was so glad to be amiss of it. 

Your morning meditation (or being active) sounds good. I often shallow breathe and realised how helpful paced deeper breathing is for me. i hope to find the commitment to practicing it! How are things at the moment?

kind wishes to all - Christina / Hope - i kinda like both names 🙂

[hope4joy]

hmm, my middle post got eaten up by the system. a bit tired to rewrite just now. thank you ajd for your kind words, i agree that we must keep doing things despite not having the emotions or heart-felt reactions, and trust they will return.

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Hope,

lim open at work to a point. I don't tell everyone how  I feel, but I do have a couple of people I trust and when I don't feel great I speak to them. The thing I find most supportive is being able to sit with my boss and look through my to-do list and work out some strategies to approach the tougher things. I find just taking some time out to be rational and plan some things makes me feel less stressed about it.

other times, I just need to get away from my desk and talk to an actual person and it's nice to be able to just say to someone "I feel a bit crap" and not have to explain what that means.

[hope4joy]

Hi Chicken Wings,

what you write rings true. Sometimes there is just so much power in being able to tell someone "i'm not doing okay" or as you say "i feel a bit crap". I'm glad you have that support at your workplace. And it is nice to have the forum as another way to give and recieve support.