im severly under motivated and im not sure what to do

[Casper]

hey, my name is casper. I was on this form a while ago talking about how im failing classes. I think its happening again, or well, is still happening. im a trans man in an all female catholic school and im in year 10. i have audhd, depression, gad, ocd, anemia, and im sure some others. i like to draw and i like anime, and i want to be a voice actor or a 3d animator.

i was attempting to do my art assignment today and i was just so unmotivated to do it, and i realised that i havent been able to do any of my assignments, or study for my exams. yes, i have support, but i feel like i cant get anything down without being confused or just giving up entirely. even if its broken down into simple steps, its still hard to follow. i would do it at home, but i barely get any time to myself in my own home, so i like to cherish my free time. i feel like if i tell my parents, they will simply force me to do all the work in one go (thats what they have done before).

not to mention my school situation sucks. on top of being transgender, i also like to openly express my interests in school (pins, keychains, etc) and its very important to me. However, being in a all girls school with teenagers ready to judge you without even talking to you... yeah. it sucks. i'm currently trying to change schools to an alterative school so it can support me better, but its a slow process, and i wont be able to transfer till next year. which means another term of work.

i just feel like im being selfish and lazy, and im not sure what else to do. nothing seems to motivate me. if anyone can help, that would mean the world to me. thank you.

[Croix]

Dear Casper~

Welcome back. I remember some time ago you talked about similar problems. While you may feel things are hard to understand, you have no motivation and lazy I'm not sure that you deserved to blame yourself.

I do not know how many of the matters you list have been formally diagnosed, or even if you have sought clinical help for them, however Autism and ADHD may need to be each recognized and treated in conjunction with the other. Similarly the other conditions you list need diagnosis and specific assistance. 

Being trans is all by itself a very hard thing at times. Remembering you are you, and you are a worthwhile person may help, particularly if that is said by others too.

Until that happens you may well find that attempting the tasks done by others is discouraging, and leads you to doubt yur own self-worth. Simply being told to work harder, or given support that assumes you understand and relate to each step may not be that effective.

I've said before you are an intelligent, caring and sensitive person, and to be singled out by other students for unkind behavior does as you say suck. Hopefully a new school may help.

When left to do them in your own way you have strengths others may not have. Art, or your version of it  may have great value. Vincent van Gogh and Salvador Dalí to name just a couple used different representation of the world as they saw it and may well have had the same traits as you. 

I do not have your experiences however you have already relied upon your parents for support and are still having great difficulties so maybe a fresh approach concentrating on things other than formal schoolwork as commonly understood may be a better fit.

Do you think you could talk to you parents about clinical support and not trying so hard to put standard schoolwork first at the moment?

Does your new school also have just the conventional approach or does it lead people to their strengths?

Croix

[sofaking]

Im sorry brother, being trans sucks but i cannot imagine how god awful it must be to specifically be in same-sex school. Life isnt soley about school at least, you have a future thats in your hands to control once you leave. Im in year 12 myself and havent found much answers to the motivation question, but 20% done is still better than 0% done, id imagine the audhd doesnt help with the motivation either, but if youre on medication you could ask your doctor to up your dose if your comfortable.
good luck