Hi Juno_11 🙂
In regard to the many challenges you currently face, I feel it's most important to firstly acknowledge how many challenges in your life you've already graduated through in order to reach higher levels of self understanding and self mastery. It's also important to acknowledge that when in comes to even higher levels of self understanding and self mastery, the challenges come to us for the entirety of our life. In other words, we never stop graduating.
I can relate to some of the challenges you face. Unstructured time definitely presents many challenges, including all the free time with which to try and manage inner dialogue. While free time and brilliant inspiring inner dialogue feels like a gift, when the dialogue's dark, super critical and/or stressful it can feel more like a curse. You could then say it's a gift that requires careful management, so that it can develop in positive and constructive ways. For example, determining the difference between the helpful 'voice' of intuition and the 'voice' of our inner critic or inner analyst or inner stresser etc can be helpful in some cases. Just want to make it clear that it's inner dialogue not audible voices that I'm talking about. That's a whole other issue.
Being 'a feeler' or 'a sensitive' is another challenge. Again, while being able to feel so much or sense so much can be like a gift, it can also resemble a curse at times, especially if we're not able to turn it off or turn the volume dial down on it. So, the question becomes 'How do I want or need to feel/sense?' or 'How can I learn to feel/sense in more constructive ways?'. While you can feel or sense what it's like for an introvert to have nothing to channel their energy into, how would it feel channeling your energy into research? Researching something like 'The most effective diet for PMDD', for example, could involve investigating external chemistry in food etc that could help impact and balance internal chemistry that naturally shifts at certain times of the month. If you decide to specifically seek out a guide to help you with that research, a dietician who specialises in this area could help make a difference (someone who has an education in chemistry, biology etc).
While I'm a gal who appreciates biology, chemistry, psychology and all those aspects that help explain how we tick, I also like to consider things from a natural point of view. This leads me to what I can 100% relate to and that involves serious focus on 'solving' depression or anxiety. For me, it can definitely become obsessive at times and has turned me into a major researcher (when it comes to how I tick). My logic is 'If depression or anxiety is a side effect of something, what's it a side effect of?'. There's always an answer. Whether it's a side effect of what could be a chemical imbalance (physical), what involves belief systems and/or inner dialogue (mental) or whether it's a side effect of a soul destroying lack of inspiration or a soul destroying lack of guidance etc (soulful), every depression or period of anxiety I've ever faced has had some root cause. While having managed the ability to feel or sense has been with me the whole of my adult life, at 55 I can look back and say it has always involved finding answers. I've learned to look for answers. The right answers have always led me out of those periods, while leading me to learn something new about myself that I was not conscious of before. The wrong answers, never made any positive difference (that I could feel). 🤗
