I think something is wrong with me.

[Guest_03834137]

I don't know how to be normal. Being normal is something I have always wanted, since being a child I have been called weird or strange. Now I'm an adult and it feels like my brain is wired in a way to self-destruct my own life. As though I can't allow myself to ever be happy or at peace. Ever since I was young i have always loved love, now I hate it. I hate being in love. I love my boyfriend but there's moments where he slightly irriatates me and it's like i switch to someone else. I start screaming and yelling saying I hate him and I just saw the most awful stuff. 2 hours later I'm sat there wondering why I just told the only person I feel like I have ever truly loved to harm himself? Who does that? That's not even the worst of it. Sometimes it will just be that a female his type has come up on the tv and then there it goes my mind starts racing thinking about everything he has ever done, lied about or whatever. I just can't escape my mind. And i just hate myself sooooooooooo much. I've never hated anything more. But then I want help but how do I get help. I know I suffer from really bad anxiety and that definitely weighs on the relationship and myself. But there has to be something else wrong with me. Otherwise I'm just a terrible person.

[TrueSeeker]

I do have moments like that sometimes too and it is really hard to forgive myself, it seems that the emotions get better of me. I think it's due to your anxiety as it can make us get upset much more than it needs to.

I think that as much as emotions are great in healthy doses, they can sometimes get out of hand and not be very helpful. I tried to reduce my anxiety by trying to mentally face my fears in a more relaxed way when I'm ready for it and in a peaceful relaxing environment. It is hard but sometimes we store so many emotions that keep getting triggered and they need to get less intense by changing the way we feel about things.

I'm not sure whether this would work for you, I hope that you'll find something that makes you feel better, it's worth trying to find help.