Hi mikasa5ever
I'm so glad you've given yourself the freedom to express how you're feeling your emotions and life. Some feelings can be so incredibly challenging in many ways and for so many different reasons. It's incredibly important at times that we're not left to feel our way through life alone.
Beyond expressing yourself here, where there are those of us who can relate, what do you feel you'd like your next step to be? Would you like a clinical diagnosis when it comes to moving forward? Do you feel the need to see your GP, say when it comes to getting a referral to a psychologist or such? Maybe your GP's brilliant enough to able to pinpoint some of the things influencing the way you're experiencing life. As a 54yo gal who's experienced a number of different depressing factors since my late teens, I've come to see depression as involving side effects of something. The question for me is always 'What am I feeling the side effects of?'. In other words, it's about getting to the root cause. The next question becomes 'Who's the best detective for the job, when it comes to detecting the reasons for why I'm feeling myself and life in the ways that I am?'.
For some folk there can be deeply depressing or challenging side effects that come from physical/chemical imbalances involving depressing levels of vitamin or mineral deficiency, sleep related disorders (such as sleep apnea), dopamine related issues (like with ADHD), lifestyle choices etc. For others the side effects can be mentally based, relating to belief systems, sense of identity, inner dialogue etc. And some can experience what can feel naturally soul destroying. Then there can be the deeply depressing trifecta (physical, mental and natural factors combined).
I believe the first and best step on a new path toward finding a difference involves acknowledgement. Finding those who hear and validate what we're saying is what begins to make the difference. Those who spout unhelpful advice like 'You just need to get on with life' make no difference at all. I hear you and I feel for you.
