Dear Steph92~
I think I can understand what is happening to you . In my own case I did not realy accept what was happening to me and left things for far too long. As I result I ended up out of my occupation and with a hard to treat illness which included anxiety and depression.
Nausea, tears, being empty, no hope, no enjoyment and being scared of your thoughts are things I, and many others here, have experienced. I was scared I'd succumb to despair and kill myself - as it seemed the only alternative.
Startingnew has quite rightly pointed the way. If you have not done so already seek medical help. I started with a GP who recommended a psychiatrist and things went from there. It took hospitalization, therapy and meds for me to improve. Actually that is not quite right, I had the support of an amazing partner too.
Without going into to much detail I'm in a much better place now, and although I never returned to my original occupation, which in my case was the cause of my illness, I've lived a productive and interesting life with achievement and love.
Frankly if I had sought help earlier, maybe when my symptoms were somewhat like yours, the whole mess might well have ended differently and I'd have been able to remain in my occupation.
Although you have not directly said so if you are anything like me you may have suicidal thoughts. If that is the case you need to tell the GP - Yes it is hard, embarrassing,frightening; but the right treatment it has to be based on knowledge of the facts.. If you think that doing so face to face is just too hard write it all down first and share the paper - something I have done.
While on this subject (sorry to keep on about it, I'd rather you thought I was a bit one-eyed rather than not give you something you might realy need) consider a safety plan with the free BeyondNow app
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning
I very much recommend it. I also recommend the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) as a number to use along with facility Startingnew suggests. They are experienced, professional and can be a real comfort.
My apologies if all that is inappropriate. I'll follow your lead in talking about such things (or not) in future.
I did mention my partner who was realy was instrumental in my recovery. May I ask if there is anyone there for you. Having someone who cares and is prepared to listen is a real relief. It shares the burden and provides perspective.
Please do talk
Croix
