I need help

[Dmm]

Hello,

I've been struggling with depression for about 10 years or so and haven't sought any professional help yet! I feel I'm a step closer to the actual help I need by telling my problems here first.

I've hit a low that I just can't shake. For the last few weeks I've been extremely down, some days not even going in to work. The days I do go in, I feel really anxious and nervouse sweaty palms, heart pounding, a million thoughts running through my mind. Then the days I have off I get my children ready for school drop them off and come home and just lay down or sit down in silence and think about everything.... I've had to set an alarm to snap me out of my thoughts and go and pick my children up from school. When they're home I go back to being 'normal'. Ive been getting overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, for some reason I feel like I'm being selfish feeling this way. When I know it's not. I've had some terrible things happen to me in the past which is a major factor in the depressing states I get into sometimes. My children are the reason I'm trying to get help. I don't want them to see the mum broken down all the time. Thank you

[blondguy]

Hello Dmm and a Warm Welcome to the BB Forums

I do feel your pain when you mentioned the sweaty palms, the heart and mind racing. It is horrible place to be in let alone deal with. I have had acute anxiety/depression for many years and even though the pesky symptoms do lessen in severity I still have reminders of exactly what you are going through.

Your overwhelming feelings of worthlessness are a sign of you trying to work through your anxiety and depression....It can be very overwhelming and upsetting....They are still only feelings but are very real and have an impact like you have described.

You have great strength and courage to post Dmm. And well done to you for reaching out!

I remember seeing my daughters face when I was locked in a period of anxiety/depression. I felt so awful and guilty....even now I can realise I wasnt well and needed some help. It is no different to a physical problem...whether a virus...a broken limb...We all need to get help when we are crook.

I do hope you have a Gp that you can see and have a 'vent' to about your your feelings...The GP's are a lot more up to date than even 10 years ago when it comes to depression/anxiety.

You are not alone Dmm...There are many wonderful people on the forums that have and are going through the same bad space. I hope you can let us know when you have booked an appointment with your Gp or anything else you wish to have a chat about!

My Kindest Thoughts for you

Paul x

[Dmm]

Thank you so much for taking the time and responding to my post.

Today has been a much better day. Not the best. But better. I feel a shift of some sort in letting it out and actually saying something. Its hard to describe. I suppose something like a secret you've held for a very long time. Its a positive feeling though. I have spoken to my partner about how I feel and he's at a loss in how to deal with what I'm going through but understanding also.

I haven't really got a GP that I feel comfortable talking with yet. But will seek help from a professional sooner rather than later. I hate the feeling of being down and out. I know my workplace offers 4-5 sessions a year for employees to talk to a councilor.

Being on here and reading through a few posts will help me gain the confidence to seek the help I need.

Thanks

[blondguy]

Hi Dmm

Great move letting your partner know and so good he is understanding! Thankyou for posting back about your day too! Good it was a bit better. You felt a shift in letting it out and thats a huge step towards healing and acceptance of anxiety. Having a 'vent' can bring relief....This thread will remain here on the forums and if you choose to post back about anything that is on your mind you are more than welcome

My Kind Thoughts for you

Paul