I’m very lost

[Anon-12]

I’ve recently lost a family member extremely close to me, and had my partner walk out on me all within the span of two weeks. I’m broken, lost and scared. I’ve been extremely low before but never this low. I don’t know how to keep myself occupied, I have moved to a new town and don’t know anybody. I am alone and it’s taking its toll.

is there anything I can do to keep myself busy and attempt to find a positive state of mind? My partner was extremely degrading and mentally abusive, to the point I was afraid to sleep in the same room to avoid being told how worthless I am. They constantly bragged about the attention they received from other people, and how much better they were off without me. When they left they were very heartless and that’s what pushed me down further.

I am trying to grieve the loss of someone who is no longer on this earth, and the loss of someone who walked away. I don’t know which is worse. I gave more than I had in me to this person and I feel as though it was never enough.

how do I get out of this horrible state of mind

[baet123]

Hi Anon-12,

Welcome to the forums and it is great to have you hear.

I am so sorry for your loss and this must be an extremely emotional time for you. My sincere condolences. I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have to deal with the loss of a family member and then having my partner walk out on me within the span of two weeks.

I would also like to express how strong, brave, courageous and resilient you are for sharing your situation with us. This is extremely difficult for most people to do and shows great character. You should be extremely proud!

It is extremely encouraging and positive that you are expressing your emotions as it is always better to let them out and to be heard than keeping them locked inside. You mention that you have been "low" before. Do you remember any techniques or strategies you used back then to deal with how you were feeling? I would also consider seeing the local GP in the new town you are in (if your comfortable doing so) and discussing your options. Seeing a psychologist or a therapist and discussing your emotions, coping mechanisms and techniques to overcome hardship is absolutely worth considering.

In terms of keeping yourself preoccupied and promoting a positive state of mine, there are a few things that are known to improve our emotional well-being. Getting an adequate amount of sleep, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, getting out of the house and getting some fresh air and vitamin D are good places to start. These might sound cliche, but they do work. I believe it would also be a good idea to start socialising with some locals and checking out a few of the venues in town and meeting new people. Building and forming new relationships is great way of preoccupying yourself, improving your social network and support structure and improving your emotional well-being.

From my own personal experience and knowing a bit about depression and the like, professional intervention is needed and required when your emotions and thoughts are having a detrimental effect on your overall well-being and quality of life. What your going through sucks and there are no quick fixes but there are techniques listed above which may assist you and get you back to feeling how you used to. If you continue feeling like this for a few more weeks, please consider seeking professional assistance.

Things will get better mate. They always do.

Hope this helps.

Nick.

[Angelique03]

Hello Anon-12. I’m sorry for your loss and hope you are able to get through this difficult time. It sounds like you have been through a lot. I would recommend speaking to your doctor and they can refer you to see a Psychologist. They will help you to improve your state of mind. Stay strong and all the best

[LesDave]

Hello. You mentioned 2 awful life events. That's NOT depression. That's external stuff piling on you. If you weren't feeling a bit down you would be in denial. As far as the rest, it's going to be a journey. You seem like someone who has endured a lot so challenge yourself. You are better than this. You've endured a lot. This is a cloud passing over. In a few years you will hardly remember it all. 1. Get to know you. You seem analytical. So it is very unlikely you will be one of those people who just loves everything and always seem to be happy. (by the way, they are projecting that, inward they are scared and lonely too) 2. Stay in the present moment. Don't let the ghosts of the past and the fears of the future haunt you. Accept them into your life but don't argue or engage with them. 3. Constantly make yourself self aware. "this is sadness I am feeling" "this is loneliness I am feeling", "this is joy I am feeling". "I am sad because I have fears for the future". 4. Get out of the house and just go somewhere. When you meet people be very aware of your own moods and really listen to them. Ask them about themselves. Soon you will connect.