I'm the worst daughter ever! Im a fool!

[Roses_191]

I feel so sick 🤮 and depressed 😭 I have so much finicancial stress, I dont even know how im going to eat this week. Im just survinging on handouts from family but my dad dosent give enough money for food for the week. I stomped and my knee hurts and it cracked and now ive got this painful feeling im the knee. Im really hating life. Ive been crying last night and still today..I feel too stressed. I feel like im the wrost person you can ever meet. I have the wrost tantrums and I dont respect my mum, I dont even help her. Im useless, and I feel like life keeps getting worser and worser. My friends dont even text me, its always me. When I go to social events, im the one that always goes up to people, and in rare cases they come up to me. I feel crappy. I dont know if im liked as much as I was when I was younger. I am struggling so much, more than ever. I have the wrost diagnosis which is psychosis which is the closest to schizophrenia but it basically is schizophrenia. I dont even have a grade 10 certificate, and Im getting kicked out of grade 12, but its still being decided. I have all this stress, and if I dont get to do grade 12, i'm on my own. Im getting kicked out of the house, because Ive wasted every opportunity. I went to a private school and skipped the whole of year 10 due to the voices and bullying and religous belifies. I can't with life anymore, Ive never felt so depressed. I wasn't even this depressed when I skipped school. I can't follow instructions so thats why the school is kicking me out. But the feedback they given me from the work are adjustments, for one of them they wanted me to fit all the information onto 2 pages when I fited the info into 3 pages, but the instructions dont say that on the course. I will be at the meeting with all the teachers, cymhs and my mum to discuss what the options are for year 12 or if I will get a job. Have no idea what my purpose is as I can't get it together and I'm a christian but I dont seem like one 😞. #schizophrenic #lazybum #worstdayever #deadintheinside #depressed 

[Croix]

Dear Roses_191~

When too many things pile up the world looks impossible. You have said a great many unkind things about yourself, waging year 10 as you heard bullying voices, getting tantrums, which I suspect are due to frustration, having financial problems and having to rely upon your parents (at your age most young people do) ..... I could go on but will only make you think of all the things you beleive are bad.

I think there are three things I'd like to say to you, and the first is to ask you what you like, what you enjoy. Thinking more of those things will make the world a better place -try to practice them if they are practical every day, and if not remember how you felt when enjoying them.

The second is that it is good yoou do have peple who try to help and recognize you have genuine difficulties. They may not always be even tempered and may not always give you the exact help you need. Also if you are frightened of being alone with a particular councilor then say so. It does not mean you are accusing him of anything, just you are uncomfortable and as a result will not benefit from the sessions as you should.

The third thing is to be kind ot yourself, trying to reach other people's goals may not be for you, and trying to make you  will simply make matter worse. Look inside yourself for the things you can do and be pleased. Do any seem obvious to you straight away?

Life has been hard on you and given you more burdens than many, you do have strenght in trying to deal with them and the people around you.

With all you see as wrong try to make just one thing better, rather than being overwhelmed by them all at once. Maybe help you mother. Would the be a good one to start with?

You will always be welcome here

Croix