Hey,
I'm new here, I haven't really spoken about this stuff publicly, maybe with a few friends and those who are close to me, but I wanted to put my feeling out there, what depression feels like to me. For me it's like a rollercoaster at times, I have my ups and I have my downs and sometimes it's just smooth sailing. But when I'm feeling the downs they feel to me like an extreme feeling of tiredness, I feel beyond exhausted, like I pulled an all-nighter and only got 30 minutes of sleep, but on top of that I try to sleep and I can't sleep, the insomnia hits and no matter how much I try I can't fall asleep. I feel like I'm trying to fix something, I'm not sure what, but no matter how hard I try to fix it, it never gets fixed.
For me, depression is like being in a small pitch black room with no light, no entrance and no exit. The only thing in there is a TV and I'm watching the TV on the screen is my life as it plays on, but I can't control it like there is a producer and a director in control of what I do, think and say. If you have ever seen the movie 'Get Out' by Jordan Peele I would recommend watching it, there's a scene with the "sunken place" it feels very similar.
Anyway to continue, I would say I'm a logical person in the way I think, its like I have a cabinet made of glass with all my feelings, worries and precious things stacked in there, and when I'm put on the spot its like someone has gotten a rock and thrown it at the cabinet, destroying it and spreading everything everywhere, and I have to spend ages picking everything up and placing it in its rightful position.
I have no idea if anyone can relate but that for me is what depression is.
Thank you.
