I feel worthless

[Jamiex66]

Christmas is always tough for me, as I have no family and almost zero friends. It hurts seeing so many people having fun, joy and happiness, while I wallow in sadness.
This year is especially bad, since I've been unemployed for over a year, and was officially diagnosed with depression a few months back.

My Mrs worked all day, and I tried to stay pose and happy to see her family this evening, but once she got home I broke down. I cried, and cried, and cried.

I didn't want to feel trapped at her parents and I couldn't cope seeing people tonight. I know I should've been there to ensure she had a good time, but I felt more like a hindrance than a positive.
So I stayed home.

I feel so worthless, like such a waste of space and I have to hold everything in because it I voice my problems I just drag down others. Either they consider me to be negative, or someone who is always upset.
Keeping everything in is exhausting, and the one time I speak out... I feel like I've let everyone down.

I just don't know how to keep going like this, every day is so tough

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hey there

I don't know if you like hugs - especially random stranger virtual platonic hugs, but if you do here's one just for you. Because - this time of year is super tough on some of us and I totally understand. I don't have family or friends either and it's really hard to see and think about other people happy. It seems to rub it in more. So I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Please be gentle with yourself. You are allowed to feel the way you do, and I'm sure your partner will understand and respect that.

So you've been diagnosed with depression recently. Are you getting any help with it? Either medication if that's your choice or seeing a psychologist? It sounds like you need someone to listen to you, and for whatever reason it can be hard to talk to the people in our lives, and sometimes talking to a professional who's job it is to listen and help us can be much easier. There are things that can help and life can definitely get better.

I'm here if you want someone to chat to today. I have nowhere to be. Katy

[Truetomyself]

Hi JamieX66,
I know how hard it can be.
I suffer with anxiety and depression.
This time of year is so very hard with Christmas and the New Year.
My family is broken and I have one relative who understands.
Today I spent Christmas with a friend. If I didn't have them I don't know where I would be.
I do know what it is like to feel this way and to spend a special day alone. You are not alone.
I know how hard it is for others to understand. As my aunt and I say, no one really understands until they experience it or no someone who does.
There are going to be really hard times but there are really good times.
It doesn't feel like it, but there are.
I feel and completely understand feeling the shame, being worthless and a burden.
That is why I am glad you came here. I often do.
I find it is like riding a wave.
I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for a long time. I get the family stuff, the work, the not wanting to interact, the stigma and it does get to be too much, it is true.
But know the feelings you are experiencing I have experienced and I know others have too. Crying is good, I use to bottle up but I cry when I need to.
I am not telling you what to do. I have a good GP, I am seeing a counsellor as psychologists did not work for me, but everyone is different.
I resisted medication for a long time. But had no choice but to use it to get me back up again when I was admitted to hospital. I now see a psychiatrist too.
Your Mrs if she is willing to can help you to these appointments. I know how hard it can be just getting motivated to get going.
I really hope you can get some support and I too wish for some peace for yourself as it is exhausting.
I am sending you a hug and remember you are not alone.
Come on here. I have utilised the chat online that BB offer if you do not feel like calling.
Come back any time and know this is one place where you are not judged but understood.
Take Care