I feel very lonely. No one to talk to.

Slippers · ‎13-07-2021

The family house is being renovated, the floors are being polished and walls painted. My sister has let me sleep in her campervan. Unfortunately and I don’t know why the 240 volt power has died to the campervan, when I told my sister that she had me running around for 20 minutes trying to work out why it isn’t working. In the end she said to me “I thought you knew how to work the van power” I spent a miserable night freezing in the van last night, I have to spend 2 to 3 weeks in the van while work in the house is done and last night was the 2nd one.

I feel lonely, my sister is up at the Central coast, my mother is in a local nursing home, and my cats are in a cattery while the house is renovated. I came home from work last night and plugged in the microwave from the house to a power point in the garage so I could cook and eat dinner. This morning I got up early and plugged in an old bar fridge, the fridge in the camper is not working and things will start to go off.
After I ate dinner, I went to bed feeling sorry for myself. I do have a local sister but she has stolen things from the house before, she does not get on with the sister from the Central coast. She has a spare bed that I could sleep in but I do not want to break the ties of the other sister despite the fact she makes me miserable.

If only I had someone to talk to. I cannot watch television in the van because of the power. I am at work today. This weekend I am looking at a house that I could buy, but I do not know whether I can afford is, the mortgage broker has told me that they have done their due diligence meaning I could afford the house. I feel like I am at the end of my tether with nothing to look forward to.

I got a lot of worry go around in my head.

jtjt_4862 · ‎16-07-2021

Hi Slippers,

It's good to hear that your sleeping bag kept you warm last night. That's a really good move, hopefully it'll continue keeping you warm and comfortable.

Sorry to hear about your family's situation, and how you feel like you're being treated like dirt by your two other sisters. You could try requesting for the Contract of Sale, but so long as nothing is signed, you won't be committing to the purchase at all. To the property agent, when asking for Contract of Sale, they would feel that you're serious about buying the property. If they do pressure you to make the purchase, remember that the ball is in your court, you have all the power to decide whether that property will be purchased by you or not.

If buying at the Central Coast is not financially viable for your current situation, I feel your options would be:
Explain to your sisters about your financial situation, and see if they are able to assist you.
Significantly reduce your monthly spendings to be able to afford the Central Coast property (but I feel you've already done as much as you can to reduce your spendings)
Look for a cheaper property
Renting a property
Negotiate with your sisters to rent you the family home at a lower rate

Checking in on you today as well, how are you feeling today? Is there anything that's on your mind that you'd like to talk about? Always here to listen to you Slippers, and you're not alone my friend.

Jt

Slippers · ‎16-07-2021

(Typing this with tears in my eyes) - and the flood gates of things flow forth.

I feel like I am a hopeless situation, I feel like this is mostly my fault and I should’ve bought something 20 to 30 years ago not when I am almost 50. I fear that if I do rent that I will never be able to buy something I can call my own ever. I hate that I can’t use the house like I want to, it’s beginning to no longer feel like home with all the changes made to it. I miss my two cats and I know they are stressing being in a foreign place to them at the local pet store. I fear that if I do rent that I will not be able to bring my two cats with me, they mean the world to me. I fear that once the lockdown will end that my sister will take the campervan back home and I will have nowhere to sleep at night. I hate that the campervan has two metres of room inside that I can sit and watch videos on my laptop.

On the upside I went shopping last night and bought myself a bottle of cola, I know it is bad for me but it lifted my morale and it tastes good. I also bought some cheap tinned pasta so I can eat food and go to bed with a full tummy. Frozen meals in a box are okay but they do nothing for my morale. I slept pretty good and was happy that I had bought my new sleeping bag, I forgot to wear socks to be ( I normally do) and my feet woke me up once or twice. I reached out to friends and told them that I was sleeping in a camper van hoping that in a round a bout way one of them would offer for me to stay with them even for just a short while. I hate being in the camper by myself. I got a book to read on the weekend and plan to go for a walk as well. I hope that the painters would be in the house on the weekend and I can sit in there during the day watching videos.

jtjt_4862 · ‎16-07-2021

Hi Slippers,

Sending you some warm hugs. You've done incredibly well making it this far by yourself. While things did not turn out the way you wished for it to be, and with the fear of what the future holds, you still persist and have the strength to keep going on. For example, like when all hope seems to be lost from the dead 240v Generator in your camper van, you thought of an alternative and got yourself a sleeping bag that kept you warm. Or when you feel you couldn't afford the Central Coast home and was struggling to make financial plans for it, you came up with the option of buying somewhere cheaper that is more friendlier to your financial status. Whatever obstacles is in your way, you're more capable in handling them than what you think. I'm really proud of you Slippers.

I feel, financials are more important than age, when it comes to purchasing a property. Though, it'd be worth considering whether it's worth buying a property now at where you are in life (almost 50). By that I mean, think of what you'd like to do during retirement, whether you'd like to live in a retirement home or an actual house. The benefits to your financials for renting now rather than buying a property with monthly repayments for the next 30 years. There are apartments that do allow pets in, but can be quite challenging and limited.

It's okay to treat yourself to something nice (and sweet) once in awhile. You've been through a lot of challenges, and have made it out of them well. So a small reward to yourself for the achievements you've done is definitely good for morale, and you really deserve the reward. Hopefully someone would offer you a place to stay temporarily (if not, doesn't hurt to ask if it's okay for you to stay with them for a short while, the most would be that they'd say no, and we'll have to respect their decision).

You're doing really well Slippers. Happy to chat with you more (even just mundane things too). How old are your two cats by the way, and what breed are they?

Jt

Slippers · ‎16-07-2021

My two boys, Parker a tabby who is about five years and Gus a black and white who was a stray but had since joined the family he is about 3. I could go and visit them at the pet store but I dont think I should, they'll think their coming home. The pet store said that they would ring if there are any problems or health issues.

Slippers · ‎16-07-2021

My eldest sister just rang me. She received a photo from my other sister and it indicates that someone is at the house. I am at work and my eldest sister calls me to ask me how I am. She suggested that we get the locks changed on the doors and that she has seen a solicitor, because it has been the family home all my life I cannot be thrown out. I dont have any fight left so i told her no, dont get the locks changed. I just dont know anymore

jtjt_4862 · ‎16-07-2021

Hi Slippers,

I'm sorry to hear that your situation just got slightly complicated. When you say that someone is at the house, do you mean trespassers? I can see why your elder sister is speaking with a solicitor, since the house belongs to your mom. If the title of the house belongs to your mom, she would be the rightful decision maker of the house, and your other sisters wouldn't have any rights to sell the house unless your mom authorizes them to. I'm not sure what implications would there be if the locks were changed... Is it possible for you to speak to your mom about this matter?

I'm really sorry for not being of much help to you on this matter. I hope perhaps by speaking with your mom, she might be able to shed some light into this matter. Wouldn't be a bad idea to visit your cats too to remind them that you're still here for them :).

Thinking of ya Slippers, stay strong! And happy to chat more with you.

Jt

Slippers · ‎17-07-2021

Jt you are as well as others hear chatting to me are helping me more than you know. I live in the Canterbury Bankstown local government area, in the past hour I heard the news that the NSW premier has put this LGA and two others into total lockdown unless you are an emergency health worker till the end of the month. To talk to someone is of great importance to me. My two boys at the pet store must be missing me greatly, i know I miss them a lot. So to have a

jtjt_4862 · ‎17-07-2021

Heya Slippers,

It's certainly unfortunate and sad to hear about what's happening in Sydney. The news reported that a tighter restriction, one that's tighter than Victoria ever had, is going to be put onto Sydney. I hope everything will be okay for you and the other Sydney people as well... I'm sure your two boys are missing you as well, they'll be alright under the care of the shop keeper while you're busy with some important matters. How did your Saturday go?

Jt

Slippers · ‎19-07-2021

I found out much to my annoyance that the kitchen and bathroom will be ripped out as well; I guess it will be replaced with something new. I feel like I have been either forgotten or an annoyance to my sisters being in this house (I would say living but I don’t think I am living life like I should be)

Also we have ceramic pots in the garage, my sister rings me the other day and asked me to get them out for her. She know that they’ve been packed away at the back of the garage and I am going to have to move a lot of things to get to them, and I didn’t pack everything in front in the first place (sigh). It is as if she is trying to give me jobs around the house knowing I am here, I am working from home.

Today I have my first online session with a psychiatrist; we spent an hour going over the fears and concerns I have. The feeling that I have lost my spark and any fun in life. I hope in the next weeks that I can build a plan on how to go back to these things again. In addition, I would be able to stand up to my sister and not just do what she wants worried that I would lose her even though she can make me miserable. There I am thinking (am I weird) but he brought out a book that he will send to me so I can read it over the next week. Therefore, there must be others in my situation too.

I recognise that I need help and I am not afraid to ask, just I don’t know how to move forward

Sophie_M · ‎19-07-2021

Hi Slippers,

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, we are sorry that you are not feeling your best right now while you deal with it all. It is wonderful that you have been able to be so honest with your psychiatrist and that you are building a plan together.

If you feel like you need help, but not sure where to turn, you can always call us to talk through these feelings on 1300 22 4636. We are here to help you, you don't have to go through this alone. Our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 are also brilliant.

It is so wonderful that you are able to share how you are feeling here on the forums and we really hope that you can continue to post. We think that by sharing your story others that feel the way you do can feel less alone. Thank you for supporting the community in the way that you do, it is incredibly valuable.

Kind regards,
Sophie M