Hi Chris
Wondering whether you've ever felt this before, like in the form of a lead up to some significant life changing or mind altering experience that tends to take you in a whole different direction in life. I know this may sound a little strange but I can't help but wonder, based on my own experience.
Based on my own experience, I've found the mind can be somewhat cryptic at times. What we may be getting a sense of isn't entirely as straight forward as it appears. What you describe, I've experienced myself. By the way, what you're experiencing could be something entirely different but I'll share anyway, just in case it's something you might be able to relate to.
I recall one of those occasions where I'd been working through some seriously depressing stuff. A lot had come to the surface and it was threatening to take me back into depression. This was followed by a period of what felt like a kind of emptiness or 'limbo' period, then what followed led me to make some sense of what had been going on. I can recall sitting there one day when what came to mind, rather intensely and from out of the blue in that limbo state, was 'You have to let go'. A part of me knew what it meant. It meant I had to let go of who I was, in order to become who I was going to be. Basically, I had to 'die off', kind of like putting my old self out of its misery. Boy, was there a lot of misery. This felt incredibly fearful. I'd compare it to 'being on the verge'. Wouldn't be a problem if the verge was like crossing some grounded kind of line but, in this case, the verge felt like a cliff's edge which I had to leap from, not knowing what it was going to lead to. Anyhow, long story short, I leapt. I agreed to let go and then I sobbed like an absolute maniac. It was such an unexpected and intense experience. It felt like I'd just died in a way. Don't know whether I was sobbing with relief or grief or maybe a bit of both. Who knows. What I do know was it was seriously intense. After that, things began to change for the better because my old self was no longer holding me back in a number of ways. To sum it all up, it was the experience of 'gaining a new lease on life'. What I'd been feeling was the old lease 'expiring'. I had to agree not to 'sign up' for the same shi**y depressing stuff, such as letting people treat me badly.
If this is what you're experiencing, I can't help but wonder what you're on the verge of. Could be significant change, for the better. I hope so 🙂
